


Bully

by Freak_of_Madness



Category: Shinedown (Band)
Genre: Angst, Bullying, Depression, F/M, Friendship, Love, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-12
Updated: 2016-03-21
Packaged: 2018-03-17 12:09:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 32,814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3528866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Freak_of_Madness/pseuds/Freak_of_Madness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She was bullied at home. She was bullied at school. Will things change when she is part of a University program that puts students with bands for one to two years?! Can they save her? Save her from her family? Save her from herself?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Life sucks

****ABRIELLE’S POV**[**

Life sucks. At least it does for me. Life has sucked for me for a long time. If I’m not being picked on at school, I’m being harassed at home. There’s nowhere that I feel safe or comfortable. All through high school I was picked on mercilessly. Want to know how that started? My oldest older fucking brother! How messed up is that shit?! Sighing, I ran my hand through my hot pink, blond, and black hair. I hated being at home. Mom is an alcoholic and doesn’t really give a shit about me. My Dad is a mean, mean man and he’s taught my brothers how to be the very same.

I thought going to college would give me a reprieve from life at home but oh hell no. Two of my older brothers changed to the college I was going to and when my oldest younger brother went off to college the year after I started he went to my school. I was depressed. Very depressed. It seemed like I couldn’t go anywhere without having tormenters there. My only refuse was Shinedown. _”Unity”_ made me feel like someone out there cared about me even if they’d never met me. It made me feel like I wasn’t alone. 

When _”Bully”_ came out I cried. I literally cried. They gave voice to my feelings and situation. On my way from my first class of the day, one of my fellow college students thought it would be a fun idea to shove me. Onto hard concrete. Yeah, I scraped the shit out of my arm as I somehow slid. Got dirty as hell too. I sighed heavily as I stood up and began brushing myself off. They walked off laughing. I was bleeding so I headed to the nearest bathroom to clean up and try to stop the bleeding. 

With my head down, since no one ever really talks to me anyhow, I walked to my seat in the back of the auditorium. Someone, *coughmybrothercough*, tripped me. I hit a chair with my face causing my nose to bleed. Naturally people laughed. It was like high school all over again! I picked up all my things while trying to hold my still-bleeding nose. No one ever helped me during these little incidents so I learned a long time ago to carry my own little medical kit. It contained a bottle of hydrogen peroxide (to clean wounds), several wash rags (for wounds that wouldn’t stop bleeding or to clean bigger wounds), a small box of Kleenex to help stop nosebleeds, a small package of cotton swabs and cotton balls, a tube of antiseptic ointment, Elastic Bandage Wraps and First Aid Tape, various types of bandages, and medical tape. Taking out the needed supplies, I dealt with my bloody nose. 

My day went on as usual. I went home and the abuse continued. Dad refused to let me eat dinner because according to my brother I’d been clumsy all day. I sighed as I made my way upstairs to my room. After putting my bag down, I curled up in my bed and cried. When I finished my crying spell, I padded into the bathroom to take a hot shower. My arm was hurting, my nose was hurting, and my stomach was rumbling. 

When I woke up the next morning I quickly got dressed to try and slip out of the house before anyone else woke up. No luck today! My older brother pushed me down the last three stairs making me scream out in pain. Nothing appeared to be broke, not including my spirit, so I grabbed an orange, two apples, and a banana and bolted out of the house before anyone else spotted me. My brothers had gotten quite a lot of students on campus to harass me with them. It got so bad that my brothers didn’t have to be with them for these people to bully me. 

One day as I was sitting out on the grass reading through a few of my text books, the Dean of the school approached me. He asked me to take a walk with him so I quickly gathered up my belongings and walked beside him. He explained about this project that was starting with a bunch of bands. A few students would be placed on tour with a band. One multi-media student, one technical student (like works with the sound, lighting, pyro, etc), and one business student. He wanted me to partake in this project. 

Each group of students would be with their band for between one and two years depending on the band and what they had going on with their tours and such. It would be his decision on who the students were placed with what band. With a warm smile he said that my academic record was exemplary and that he thought that I would get a lot out of this. I couldn’t believe it! The idea of getting away from this campus and my family for one to two years?! I was super excited about that idea! Perhaps I could escape my hell after all! 

Without hesitation, I said that I would love to be a part of this project. He smiled at me and said that the bands would all be here in a week and he would have his decision on who I would be placed with by the time they were here. With a nervous voice, I asked what bands were participating. Slayer, Anthrax, Aerosmith, Bon Jovi, Ben Folds Five, Sevendust, Shinedown, Green Day, Simple Plan, and Nickelback were just a short list of the bands that had agreed to do this. Looking down at the ground I said that I would love to be placed with Shinedown since their music meant so much to me. He just smiled at me before bidding me a goodbye. 

Before I left for the day, the Dean handed me a paper about the project. It included a list of how much to pack, where the students would be sleeping, and any other pertinent information we needed to have. A week! I had a week to get things ready. A week to suffer through before hopefully being able to escape the hell that was my life. This was going to be the longest week of my life!


	2. There's just something about that girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so short :( I wanted to get Zach's PoV about things :)

****ABRIELLE’S POV****

 

It had been an excruciating week. My brothers were always so pissed off because they hadn’t been chosen for this project. I never said anything about me getting to go in the hopes they wouldn’t harass so much that I wouldn’t be able to go. This was the only light at the end of the tunnel so to speak that I had. Of course I listened to Shinedown every day. That’s what kept me hanging on. Each day I took more of my clothes to the campus with me. I’d found a spot that people didn’t know about so I bought two suitcases, separately so I wouldn’t draw attention to myself, to hide my stuff in.

I was so anxious! Well, more anxious than usual. Instead of my normal worrisome anxiousness this was an excited anxiousness. Good things, hopefully, were about to happen to me! I made sure to get a shower that morning. Not that it mattered because I was bullied so horribly I could very well be covered in condiments, raw eggs, and dirt by the time I met whatever band I was about to go on tour with! The Dean sent out a message to all the students that were going about a huge conference that was mandatory to attend. We’d get information about our band, they would get information about us, we would have a lecture about fraternization, and we’d be told about life on the road. 

****ZACH’S POV****

We had been approached by a college about taking three college students on the road with us. One would be a business major and would mostly be hanging around with and learning from Bill. Another one would be more technical and would be with our road crew. The final student would be a Multi-Media major and would actually be with us most of the time. We had been given short files on all three students and samples of their work. 

“This girl.” Barry stated as he looked at her picture

“What do you mean?” Brent questioned

He was looking over the business major’s file.

“I can’t put my finger on it.” Barry stated, furrowing his brows, “We need her with us.”

“Barry’s getting one of those supernatural messages again.” Eric chuckled, looking up from the technician’s file

“Yeah. Just… trust me on this.” Barry said, handing the file over to me

When my eyes landed on her picture I felt it too. It wasn’t a supernatural message for me though. It was her eyes. They were so full of pain. She was beautiful on the outside, Eric would absolutely love this girl, but she was depressed on the inside.

agree with Barry.” I stated

“We need to be at their campus in a week.” Brent stated

It was a long week. My mind kept going back to that girl. Those eyes. Those eyes that betrayed the outward happy-looking, care-free young woman. We were escorted to the Dean’s office where we were introduced to the Dean and introduced ourselves. There was a massive conference later this afternoon where we’d go through what the students should expect and then meet our students. Eric and Brent were excited. Barry and I were more concerned. We got special passes, so the campus security wouldn’t bother us, and we were able to walk around freely.

It didn’t take us long, which surprised the hell out of us, to find the lone female student of ours. She was quite the unique individual with her three-tone colored hair! We stood in shock as we watched a much taller male walk up and shove her hard onto the grass. Brent was about to run up to her but Barry stopped him. We shouldn’t get involved and bring attention to ourselves the drummer said. Eric and I stood back unable to pull our eyes away from her. She unceremoniously picked herself up off the ground, dusted herself off, and then gathered her belongings. 

She kept her head down and didn’t appear to talk to anyone. That was odd! What college student didn’t have a group of friends to hang with?! As we followed her around, I began to get very concerned for this woman. She was anti-social it seems. Never really talking to anyone, staying away from people, not making eye contact. What really caught my attention, however, was the braided bracelet on her right wrist. 

As the day went on, it was painfully obvious why this girl was such a loner. She was being severely bullied at this campus. It was such a shame because the projects we had seen of hers were simply amazing! Barry and Brent had to hold Eric back when three guys walked up behind her while she was eating a meager sandwich from the campus cafeteria and they dumped several milkshakes on her. Her surprised, and shocked, screams made us all cringe. 

“Eric, no!” Barry soothed, “Listen to me. This afternoon she’ll be our student and all this bullshit will stop!”

“That’s right! We’ll show her what real friends are supposed to be like. You do anything to those boys not only will we be taken off this project, she’ll most likely get harassed even worse!” Brent tried to reason

I don’t think I’d ever heard Eric Bass growl before. It was a kind of frightening experience. Especially since Eric is one of the most laid-back, easy-going people I’ve ever met! Once they were sure Eric was going to behave himself, they let him go. We watched as she threw her barely eaten sandwich in the trash, gathered her things, and then shamefully walked off.


	3. My band!

****ABRIELLE’S POV****

 

I should have known. I’d taken a shower that morning so that I wouldn’t have to worry about it that night since I didn’t even know if we’d be on the bus or at a hotel. Since I had “dressed up”, so to speak, everyone knew that there was something I wanted or someone I was looking forward to seeing. My tormentors got worse. All I wanted was to get through this day so I could meet the band I was going on tour with. 

In between one of my classes, one of my fellow students, a much taller than me guy, walked up and shoved me hard onto the grass. I stayed where I was for a few moments to make sure he left. I unceremoniously picked myself up off the ground, dusted myself off, and then gathered my belongings. There was nothing new to this. Trying to fight back only led to more bullying. My only solace was the music of my favorite band and the idea that Karma would eventually give these people what they rightly deserved.

I was shoved, tripped, knocked into, and had my stuff knocked out of my hands all day. Despite everything I knew that there was a light at the end of this dark tunnel. During my lunch break, I decided to sit outside since it was a nice day. I was eating my meager sandwich from the campus cafeteria when three guys walked up behind me. I could tell from the silhouettes there were three or more. I figured they’d just talk shit to me, call me names, and or make fun of me. What I wasn’t expecting was them dumping several milkshakes on me. 

I threw my barely eaten sandwich in the trash, gathered my things, and then shamefully walked off. As I walked to the gym where all the showers were everyone pointed and laughed and some even threw more stuff on me. I wanted to look decent when I met my band but it wasn’t looking like that was going to happen! I stopped at my little hiding spot to grab a clean outfit. The whole time I was fighting tears. This was more than humiliating! There weren’t many people in the gym so I quickly grabbed a towel, a soap, and shampoo. I set my bag, which housed my clean clothes, close to me in the enormous shower but far enough away that it wouldn’t get wet. 

I was drying off when some girls came in. They barely acknowledge my presence so I quickly changed into my [clean clothes](http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e194/littletexasangel/Clothes/Complete%20Outfits/Black%20and%20pink%20punk%20outfit_zpslciiuvnh.jpg) (with my survival bracelet on my right wrist and the other bracelet on my left), put my nasty clothes in a plastic bag, shoved that into my bag and quickly jogged to my next class. It was boring so I started sketching website logos and icons for fictional websites. There was just one more class to suffer through before the conference. All I had to do was get to that class, sit through the class, and safely make my way to the auditorium where it was being held. Sounds simple but it’s really not. 

**FINALLY**. Finally the announcement was made through the loud speakers that were spread all over the campus for those students that were in the program to make our way to the auditorium. I walked as quickly as I possibly could to try and keep anyone from shoving me into the dirt, grass, gravel, or anything else. As a matter of fact, I was so excited I was shaking! The other students were more concerned with what band they were being assigned to that they didn’t bother with me. I literally ran into a very tall blond male as I was trying to keep my head down and find a seat.

_”Sorry.”_ I mumbled as I quickly moved away from him

The last thing I needed was to piss off one of the bigger guys on campus and get hurt and dirty right before I meet the band! The room lined with chairs in a weird fashion. There were a bunch of seats, a large space, a bunch a seats, a large space and so on. For some reason we were being segregated. I was told the bands would be sitting away from the students until we were allowed to formally meet. Sitting as far away from everyone else that I could, several of the Professors were walking around to give the students the files on their band. 

He handed me a file with a smile before walking on to other students. My hands were shaking as I flipped open the file. My heart leapt up into my throat and tears sprung to my eyes. The page on the left read:

 

**Band Name:** Shinedown  
**Nationality:** American  
**Genre:** Rock  
**Together since:** 2001; However Zach joined in 2006 and Eric joined in 2008  
**Members:** Brent Smith, Barry Kerch, Zach Myers, Eric Bass  
**From:** Barry-Jacksonville, Florida; Brent—Los Angeles, California; Zach Myers—Memphis, Tennessee; Eric—Charleston, South Carolina  
**Languages:** English 

**On the opposite page, there was a picture of each band member. Under each picture was a small biography with the person’s age, what instrument(s) they play, what role they have in the band, interests, hobbies, and whether or not they drank alcohol. There were several guys walking around that I didn’t recognize. They weren’t in any of the band, they were Professors, and they weren’t students that I knew of. They were just walking around watching all the students. To be honest it made me nervous. Finally the Dean got the conference started. It was hard to pay attention because I kept looking down at my file to make sure that the information hadn’t changed!**

**“Students, bands, managers, welcome! I want to thank you all for joining us for this little project. I think our students are going to learn a lot from you and I hope that you will learn something from our wonderful students as well. There will be three students for each band. One technical student, one business student, and one multi-media student. Their curriculums have been modified for their time out on the road with you.**

**Students, I hope you take the wonderful opportunity you’ve been given and make the absolute most out of it. You have the chance to learn from industry professionals and get real-world experience. And remember, you are not only representing yourself but you are representing this University. You will be meeting the band you were placed with here in a few minutes. You will be given a paper on the general day-to-day workings so you have an idea of what you’re in for.**

**Managers, you have all of the contact information for me and the University. If you have any questions, concerns, or issues with any of the students please don’t hesitate to contact me. They are in college and should be acting appropriately. I understand there are a lot of you who drink and will go out together drinking. That’s not an issue. I’m not their father. They should know how to behave out in public. As I said, if you have any issues with one of your students, please contact me so we can work out the issue.**

**And now I’m sure all you students are dying to meet the band you are about to spend the next one to two years of your life with. I want to wish you all good luck in this endeavor. Have fun. Thank you.” The Dean stated**

**I sat there for a few minutes while the other students walked around trying to find their band. It was utter chaos so I opted to leave the auditorium. There were a few bands hanging around outside. I wasn’t sure where Shinedown were located so I decided to go gather my two bags. I really didn’t want to have to explain why I was hiding my luggage in the first place. As I was walking with my large “school bag” and two suitcases, I felt so out of place. As I approached where some of the bands were just hanging out, I noticed a short guy with long, beautiful dreads standing there with his back to me.**


	4. First meeting

****ABRIELLE’S POV****

 

“There’s your student.” A tall blond said as he looked over the one with the dreads

Four guys turned to stare at me. I darted my eyes away but looked back to find all five were just looking at me.

“Watch it, you stupid slut!” My oldest brother exclaimed as he pushed past me

“Why am I a slut?” I asked, turning to face him

“Are you a virgin?” He asked

“No.” I retorted

“Then you’re a slut.” He laughed

“Jacky and his girlfriend have sex. Does that mean she’s a slut?” I countered

“No.” He said, giving me the evil eye

“Then why am I a slut?” I asked, deeply hoping Shinedown weren’t listening to this conversation

“Sluts don’t need a reason to be called sluts. They just are.” He laughed before walking off with his buddies

With a heavy sigh, I walked to where the Shinedown guys were at and found Zach frowning. Great, haven’t even introduced myself and I’ve already upset at least one member of the band!

“I’m Jake Lawson. Head of security and the tour manager. Bill, their manager, is doing the last minute paperwork before we can hit the road.” The tall blond who I now realized I’d run into on my way into the auditorium said

“Why don’t we head to the bus? You can put your stuff up and we can give you a tour of the bus!” Brent stated, earning a head nod from everyone else

“Here, I’ll take your bags.” Jake stated as he literally took my two suitcases from me

How fucking weird is this?! We walked across campus with the five-some more or less surrounding me like a protective cocoon. Jake opened up the bus and quickly boarded. There was one bunk available, from what Zach said, which confused me a bit. I thought the students were on their own bus? Eric apparently slept above that space with Barry sleeping above Zach. Brent slept above Barry and there was an empty bunk above Eric but that was another storage space apparently. Zach excitedly gave me the grand tour of the whole bus.

Now when I say the “grand tour of the whole bus”, I mean he opened up every single cabinet, drawer, door, and curtain to show me what was inside. He even showed me the others’ bunks! Bill boarded and said that he needed me to come with him so that I could put my stuff on the student’s bus. Zach looked deflated but I just smiled at the older gentleman. Taking my bags, I quickly left the band bus to follow him. As we walked he introduced himself to me as Bill McGathy, Shinedown’s manager.

There were two other students hanging out on the bus when we arrived. Shawn Jones and Michael McDowel. Neither guy liked me and I sighed heavily. So much for getting away from the torment during my time with the band! I put my stuff up in the little locker I had been assigned and locked it with the new Master lock Bill handed me. I followed him off our bus and walked back towards the band. He said that I’d be spending most of my time with the band since I was the Multi-Media specialist. Bill left me there with the four band members. Jake had to leave to go do something, or so I was told. 

“I have to say, I love that you coordinated your outfit with your hair!” Brent stated with a wide grin

I half-grinned back and said ‘thanks’ in response.

“I know we were shown a few snippets of some of your projects. Could you show us some when we hit the road?” Barry asked

“Uh, sure. Do you have an HDMI cable?” I asked quietly

“Yeah. We do.” Zach smiled

They were making me nervous so I started playing with my survival bracelet. It usually made me feel better but with them all looking at me it wasn’t working. Zach started staring at it which added to my anxiety levels. His eyes went wide and suddenly I was afraid he understood what it all meant. 

“Is that a Survival bracelet?” He asked me

Naturally the other three looked to where he was staring.

“Uh, yeah.” I mumbled, dropping my arms to my sides

“I think I know what the colors mean. Correct me if I’m wrong. Green is for depression, teal is for anxiety, orange is for…… hunger” Zach stated as he looked up into my eyes, “….black is for….. self-harm….. and purple is for domestic violence.”

I just stayed silent as the four men stared at me.

“Why are you representing those colors?” Brent cautiously stated, voice filled with concern

“Depression, Anxiety, Hunger, Self-Harm, and Domestic Violence.” Eric repeated, looking more carefully at me

I swallowed knowing I was being scrutinized. They weren’t judgmental people and that’s one reason I loved them so much. 

“I understand the depression and anxiety. There’s plenty of young people, especially college students, who suffer from those. What concerns me is the self-harm and domestic violence.” Barry added

“I’m curious and worried about the hunger one.” Zach added

“Please tell us what’s going on with you.” Brent urged, reaching out to squeeze my shoulder affectionately

“I… I’m fine. Really.” I quickly declared

“Representing those colors means you’re not fine.” Zach retorted

He wasn’t trying to be mean or harsh. He’d had a close cousin commit suicide so I’m sure it’s just the protectiveness in him that was in high-drive. 

“Guys, we need to board the bus and hit the road.” Jake said as he came up to where were standing

Zach grabbed a hold of my arm and pulled me onto the bus. He plopped us down on the couch on the right side of the bus. I didn’t even get a chance to protest. Besides, I still had schoolwork I needed to work on and finish! Eric sat down on my other side while the other two sat directly across from us. It seemed like an intervention!


	5. Perpetually pissed off

****ERIC’S POV****

We’d heard the whole “slut” conversation between our very unique looking student and that jerk that literally shoved her out of his way. Barry touched my arm to keep me calm. I was angry that this jerk would insinuate such a thing even though I didn’t really know her. I didn’t usually get angry like this. I was one of the most laid-back people in the band and crew. Since we arrived on this campus, I seemed to be in a perpetually pissed-off mood. The guys had been right, this abuse she was going through was only temporary. I had to keep my cool. 

We were standing around outside out bus after Bill had taken her to put her things on the student’s bus. Zach had been acting weird, or weirder for him, since Jake pointed her out. He was lost in his thoughts and whatever he was thinking about brought tears to his eyes. Brent was getting concerned about the littlest guy in the band but he quickly regained himself. Bill left her with us. We chatted for a few minutes before Zach asked her about the multi-colored bracelet.

“Is that a Survival bracelet?” He asked her

Naturally the rest of us looked to where he was staring. Sure enough that was what was on her right wrist. Five separate colors. My natural protective instincts just got stronger. 

“Uh, yeah.” She mumbled, dropping her arms to her sides

She obviously didn’t want us to know about it or the meanings behind the colors she’d chosen. That concerned me greatly. Her whole demeanor was concerning me as a matter of fact.

“I think I know what the colors mean. Correct me if I’m wrong. Green is for depression, teal is for anxiety, orange is for…… hunger” Zach stated as he looked up into her eyes, “….black is for….. self-harm….. and purple is for domestic violence.”

I watched the interaction between the two. Zach’s eyes were teary. She just stayed silent as the four of us stared at her.

“Why are you representing those colors?” Brent cautiously stated, voice filled with concern

“Depression, Anxiety, Hunger, Self-Harm, and Domestic Violence.” I repeated, looking more carefully at her

There was so much more to this young woman than any of us realized. We weren’t judgmental people. We didn’t look down on anyone for things. But the self-harm and domestic violence raised some serious questions and concerns.

“I understand the depression and anxiety. There’s plenty of young people, especially college students, who suffer from those. What concerns me is the self-harm and domestic violence.” Barry added

“I’m curious and worried about the hunger one.” Zach added

“Please tell us what’s going on with you.” Brent urged, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder affectionately

“I… I’m fine. Really.” She quickly declared

I’m not sure about the other guys but her flinch didn’t go unnoticed by me.

“Representing those colors means you’re not fine.” Zach retorted

He wasn’t trying to be mean or harsh. He’d had a close cousin commit suicide so the protectiveness in him was in high-drive. To tell you the truth, so was mine. 

“Guys, we need to board the bus and hit the road.” Jake said as he came up to where were standing

Zach grabbed a hold of her arm, pulling her onto our bus. He plopped them down on the couch on the right side of the bus. We weren’t even giving her a chance to protest. I sat down on her other side while the other two sat directly across from us. It probably seemed like an intervention! Zach pressed her about her bracelet but she wouldn’t say anything about it. As a matter of fact she wouldn’t say anything.

“Ok, Zach, leave her alone. She obviously doesn’t wanna talk about it.” Barry stated, “I do believe you promised to show us some of your projects.”

“Um, ok.” She said nervously

We watched as she pulled her laptop out of her overly large bag. I looked over at Barry and he was looking at me with a concerned expression. Brent got up to get the HDMI cord she had asked about earlier and plugged it into the HD TV. She was booting up her laptop and plugging in a USB stick so she didn’t notice us just looking her over and taking her in. Even with the over-whelming protective instincts I found her incredibly attractive. The three-toned hair was really cool and very well done. I’m sure she didn’t coordinate her outfits with her hair everyday but she looked incredible today.

She was thin, perhaps slightly on the too-thin side, and on the short side. Well short compared to us. I’m the tallest guy in the band at a sad 5’9 and Zach is the shortest at 5’4. She’s slightly shorter than Zachy. Her dark eyes were very soulful even if they did confirm the pain she was obviously holding in. Jake texted Zach to tell him we’d be stopping for dinner in about two hours. 

She got a project going for us so we all turned our attention to the TV. Whatever projects the University had put into her file were most definitely not her best pieces! What she was showing us was amazing! Brent was nodding, Barry was grinning, and I was smiling too. I looked over at Zach but he was just watching her. He took his cousin’s suicide really hard. I think he was afraid she was suicidal. His big-brother instincts were in over-drive!

She showed us project after project until we realized the bus was slowing down. Brent seemed surprised that we were pulling into Applebee’s already. She quickly packed her bag back up. Our driver Rick opened the door for us and she all but bolted off the bus.

“Did we do something wrong?” Zach questioned

I don’t think I’ve ever heard him speak with such a child-like voice before!

“I think she’s uncomfortable around us.” Barry stated as we piled off the bus

“Gentlemen I want to introduce you to your other two students Shawn Jones and Michael McDowel. Shawn is the technician and Michael is the business student.” Bill explained as we convened just inside the restaurant

Zach was staying close to her. It was more than obvious she was uncomfortable. We wound up splitting up into two separate groups. The band & her and Bill, Jake, and the other two students. We were seated at a table for five and quickly sat down. She had to be hungry since she didn’t really get lunch. We were handed menus, which she quickly buried her nose in, before our waitress took our drink order.


	6. Facebooking

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I don't need to explain that I do NOT know these guys in real life or any of their personal information. All info in this chapter is made up. If any of it is true, I assure you it's purely accidental! Any messages that start with # are **FROM** the band to Abrielle. Any messages that start with = are **TO** the band from Abrielle. I hope it isn't too confusing!

****ABRIELLE’S POV****

I ordered a glass of sweet tea and chicken & steak fajitas for dinner. I knew, being the very first night of this adventure, that they would be bombarding me with questions. It made me uncomfortable talking about myself so much. I’m nothing special. I’m nothing worth talking about. To say I was uncomfortable was an understatement. 

“So, what do you do for fun?” Brent questioned as soon as the waitress left with our dinner order

“Study.” I chuckled, “I read a lot. Music is a big part of my life.”

“Well you’re definitely in the right place then!” Zach chuckled

“Do you play any video games?” Barry asked

“I never paid much attention to that stuff. I’ve always been more focused on school work.” I shrugged

We talked about video games, board games, and card games until our food arrived. Sizzling fajitas! What could be better!! Everyone started talking about food and weren’t criticizing me for what I’d chosen. I quickly dug in and savored the flavors. Dinner had gone better than I had expected. It was early evening but I really needed to get my things put up properly on my bus. After dinner the students were told to head back to our bus. Each man pulled me into a tight hug. Brent scribbled down their personal Facebook and Twitter accounts for me and asked me to write down my info for them.

This wasn’t the “official” pages for the band. They were personal. For friends and family only. Protected from the public as much as possible. And they let me have the address! Bidding the band a good night, I walked onto my bus. As I left, I could feel eyes on me but wasn’t about to turn around. Michael and Shawn weren’t on the bus yet so I quickly got to putting up all my clothes and things properly. When they arrived, they seemed to stay up front because I heard the xBox start up sound. 

Finally finishing my unpacking, I locked up my locker and then took my laptop bag to my bunk. I had plenty of projects and school work to keep me busy. When I checked my school email, I discovered I already had a new project. It was to photograph my band live during one of their shows. That didn’t seem to hard but I’d have to talk to the band and Jake about it. As I was checking my Twitter feed and Facebook, I got the respective signals for new notifications. I checked Twitter first.

**Charleston Navy Brat** , **Memphis boy** , **Celtic Drummer** , and **Da Brent =S=** started following you.

That had to be the whole band. Charleston and Memphis I knew which guy was which. Obviously ‘Da Brent =S=’ was Brent. That leaves ‘Celtic Drummer’ to be Barry. It still boggles my mind that they actually wanted to be my friend and follow me on social media. I already followed the “official” accounts so I went in and followed their personal accounts too. Facebook dinged again so I switched windows. I had friend requests from people with identical names as the Twitter account. I accepted the friend request and was immediately bombarded with messages!

#Zach: Hi there! 

#Brent: Hey! Have you gotten used to the bus yet? 

#Barry: I’m not sure if any of us asked you students or not, but do you have everything you need on the bus? We might be making a pit stop at Wal-Mart tonight. 

#Eric: If you need any tips or anything about being on the road, you can come ask anyone of us, OK? 

I had to smile at the four of them. They were so kind and generous! I replied to each of them. 

=Zach Hello! Uh how are you?

=Brent No I haven’t. Just got all my stuff put up properly in my locker.

=Barry Uh, I think I might need some shampoo and stuff. But it’s no priority.

=Eric I’ve never been on tour before. Anything you can tell me will be greatly appreciated :-) 

I had classwork to do so I got on it not really thinking that they would want to chat with me. Suddenly the sounds of Facebook’s messenger dinged. I finished writing out my response for the class I was trying to partake in before looking at the message. 

#Eric: Get used to being on the move! Sleep whenever you can. If you leave the hotel/venue/bus, tell Jake! He needs to know where you three are at all times. Hmmm, let me think what else I can tell you!

#Barry: I think the Queen Zach has decided he needs to get some stuff so we’ll be stopping at about 2am. If you’re sleeping, we’ll board your bus and wake all three of you up :-) 

#Brent: I’m not sure if your bus is stocked or not. Find some snacks and drinks you like and try to keep them on hand. It might take you a while to get used to the odd sleeping schedules! 

#Zach I’m great! Are you looking forward to the show tomorrow night? 

Stopping at Wal-Mart at 2am?! Holy hell! Well, it’s a good possibility I’ll still be wide awake and working on schoolwork. Participating in another class’ forum, I heard the ding of a Facebook reply. These guys sure were chatty! 

=Zach Absolutely! I’ve never had the pleasure of seeing you guys live in person but I’ve seen lots of YouTube vids though! 

=Brent I’m easy to please so that doesn’t bother me much :/ 

=Barry lol! Why @2am? O.o

=Eric Any tips on sleeping?

Michael and Shawn were laughing pretty loudly so I put my headphones on and plugged them into my laptop. I’d gotten into one of the projects that would be due soon. That ding was heard again which for some reason made me smile. 

#Barry: Usually less people in the store at that time. Just more convenient when you just want to get your soap, snacks, and new underwear and not be bothered or have people judging what’s in your cart, hahaha! 

#Zach: Being there in person is a much better experience than just watching YouTube videos! You’re going to have the time of your life tomorrow night, I promise! What bands have you seen live?

#Brent: Being the only female on your bus, I’d go ahead and stock up on your favorite snacks. Boys have been known to eat anything and everything they get their hands on! Don’t feel bad about holding some stuff back from them, if that’s what you’re worried about. 

#Eric: Get a comforter that’s warm and that you like! If the mattress isn’t comfortable, get an egg crate. Good pillows are a good option to. Really, anything that you find comforting. I’ve found watching a movie or reading right before bed can make me sleepy. Barry will tell you a glass of warm milk or hot tea is really good too :-)

=Eric Thank you so much for the tips! I’ll have to look into the new bedding since I’m not really liking what’s on my bunk now. It’s kind of itchy :’( This pillow is lumpy so I may have to get another one of those too :/ The hot tea sounds really good too. Do you have any recommendations on that?

=Zach Like I said, I’m very excited to finally get to see you guys live! I’ve heard nothing but good thing :-)

=Brent lol! I have two older brothers and three younger brothers. I know how much they can consume! :P

=Barry sounds like it’s just generally quicker that time of night. Get in-get out-get back to sleep! ;)

I’m assuming they were chatting with one another because I didn’t receive a response for a long while. I’d gotten back into the project I was working on so time just slipped away from me. As a matter of fact, I’d lost so much time that it took me by surprise when I heard Zach’s voice chatting with my bus mates! I quickly saved my work, put my laptop and all accessories back in my bag, and then put the bag in my locker.


	7. 2am Wal-Mart run

****BARRY’S POV****

We were chatting with Abrielle over Facebook chat after dinner. All four of us were having our own conversations with her but we were talking to each other about those conversations. She seemed to be holding back for some reason. Zach was still feeling like there was an underlying issue going on with her but we had no information on what that might be. We had decided to make a Wal-Mart later that night. It was mostly for her though. 

Brent and I had fallen asleep and were awoken by Zach as we pulled into a Wal-Mart parking lot. As usual, at that time of night, it was a virtual ghost town. Eric and I were tasked with waking our students. When we boarded their bus, I found the one named Shawn playing xBox. Eric went to wake up Abrielle and Shawn. A few minutes later she and Eric returned to the front. She hadn’t even changed for bed, like Brent and I had, which made me curious. _”She was awake still working on school stuff”_ Eric whispered to me before walking off the bus.

She followed him with a smaller messenger bag leaving me with the two boys. Michael wasn’t interested in going into the store with us so I left the bus as well. I watched, as I walked up to the rest of my band mates and our lone female student, how Eric couldn’t keep his eyes off Abrielle. It was more than just feeling over-protective. He was looking at her a bit lustfully. My eyes swept over her small frame and I’ll admit to understanding why he was attracted to her. 

When Shawn joined us, we walked into the Wal-Mart together. Most people paired off and shared a cart. No surprise Eric paired himself off with Abrielle! Brent found himself with Shawn leaving just Zach and myself. Not that I minded being paired off with the smaller man. We went to get our shampoo and stuff first since we were at that end of the store. Surprise, surprise that’s where Eric and Abrielle were at. I swear if I didn’t know any better, he was staring at her ass as she reached up to get a bottle of her preferred shampoo! 

Zach didn’t noticed it since he was grabbing his own shampoo. I watched as dropped a bottle of Caress Tempting Whispers into the cart. She waited for Eric as he grabbed his own shampoo and body wash. Zach and I headed in one direction while the other two headed in a different direction. 

“Hey, do you think she’s ok?” Zach suddenly asked

“What do you mean?” I inquired

“Well…. Her behavior. She seems….” He sighed, “…I can’t explain it. Like she’s holding back or something.” 

“Yeah. There’s something definitely going on with her. But she seems a bit closed off or untrusting. Hopefully she’ll warm up to us quickly.” I replied

The truth was, I felt what he couldn’t articulate too. I’m pretty sure Brent and Eric did as well. There was something else bothering Zach.

“What else is on your mind?” I asked the smaller man

“I can’t help but keep going back to that survival bracelet. It’s obviously very personal to her, ya know. Some of those colors she’s representing really concern me.” He confessed

“I know, Zach. I feel the same way. We just have to show her that we’re here for her and that she can come to us with anything.” I quietly replied as we approached Brent and Shawn

The pair were laughing pretty hard at something. We wandered around Wal-Mart for about an hour leisurely doing our shopping. Once we were all done, we checked out and made our way back to the busses. Abrielle had two bags which looked to be full and was carrying a set of [black and pink Damascus bedding](http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e194/littletexasangel/Miscellaneous/Home%20Decor/Black%20and%20Pink%20Damascus%20gothic%20bedding_zpszgpl8r5v.jpg). Zach was talking to Shawn and Abrielle so I set my bags down by the bus door before walking over to chat too.

“Get as much sleep as you can.” Zach said as I approached

“Thanks! I guess I’ve just been too excited to sleep!” Shawn replied with a laugh

Eric came to a stop next to us. Abrielle yawned sleepily making us all chuckle softly.

“Go put your new bedding on. Sleeping on something you like, as weird as it sounds, will actually help you sleep.” I stated

“It’s a comfort thing that sort of tricks your mind.” Eric added in

“Thanks.” She shyly replied

Zach pulled her into a hug which, from the expression on her face, took her off guard. Shawn walked off to talk to Brent and Jake while we were bidding her a good night. Once Zach let her go, I pulled her into a tight hug. She very tentatively hugged me back. As soon as I’d let her go, Eric had her. He pulled her into a tight hug and leaned down. I think he was getting a whiff of her hair if the angle was right. Did the bassist have a thing for her?!

“Get your bedding put on and lay down. Even if you don’t go to sleep right away, put a movie on. That almost always helps me.” Eric told her

“Guys! We gotta hit the road!” Jake yelled over to us

“Good night!” I said with a smile 

“Night, Abrielle.” Eric stated

“Good night guys. Thanks.” She quickly replied before picking up her bags

 

****ABRIELLE’S POV****

Zach hugging me was weird. Barry hugging me was a bit odd. Eric hugging me. Well, that felt different. Quite a bit different. I…. I liked it. I liked the feeling of being so close to him. I liked the feeling of his arms around me. I liked his scent. Once we parted, I took all my new stuff onto the bus. It was going to take me a little bit to get my bedding changed. I put everything in my locker before starting on the changing of the bedding. Once that was done, I changed into my pajamas and then crawled into my bunk.

I didn’t bother with putting in a movie because after I changed the bedding, the excitement from the day started wearing off. I laid there quietly before sleep finally over-took me. Super loud death metal woke me up from sleep. I groaned and tried to go back to sleep but they just turned the music up. Rolling my eyes, I slid out of bed so I could use the bathroom. Both boys were up and playing video games. They didn’t really care that I was still sleeping or that it was only a little after 8am. 

Once I’d finished with my business, I opened my locker to find an [outfit](http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e194/littletexasangel/Clothes/Complete%20Outfits/Black%20and%20Purple%20Punk%20Goth%20Outfit_zps1tiwcxwh.jpg) for the day. The busses slowed down as I was putting my shoes on. I slid my survival bracelet over my right wrist before walking up front. We’d stopped at a Denny’s for breakfast. Our bus driver opened the door for us so I took the opportunity to de-board. Michael shoved me so I feel face-first onto the hard pavement. They were laughing as they walked off. 

Just like on campus. I stood up and dusted myself off. There was no way I was going to walking into the restaurant looking like I couldn’t walk on my own! Once I was satisfied that I looked presentable, I slowly walked into the building. Standing around waiting to be seated was three out of four band members. Zach was nowhere to be found which I found odd. Jake was standing there with them too and “jumped” slightly in shock when he noticed me just standing there. 

Where the hell did you come from? I never heard you walk up!” Jake exclaimed making the other three turn and see who he was talking too 

Good morning, Abrielle!” Brent stated 

All I could do was make a grumbling noise. Apparently it was cute because the four guys laughed slightly. "Not a morning person either? Neither is Zach.” Barry stated, “As a matter of fact, he’s still in bed sleeping!” 

I would be too if I wasn’t woken up by super loud death metal blaring.” I mumbled 

Oh that’s not cool.” Eric said as a waitress came up to usher us to a table 

Jake told her there were five of us. 


	8. Death Metal wake-up

****ABRIELLE’S POV****

 

We were seated at a table for five on the left side of the restaurant close to a big window. There were a few tables in between us and the wall so some of the road crew and my fellow students were seated there. I buried my nose in the menu already feeling the anxiety level rising at what conversations might come up. Especially since I hadn’t really talked to Jake much. I mumbled my drink and breakfast order when our waitress returned. I could feel eyes on me and I figured it was either Jake or one of the band.

“What’s that multi-colored bracelet mean? I’ve seen people wearing something similar at shows before.” Jake stated

“It’s a survival bracelet.” I stated, unable to look him in the eye as I spoke

“Survival? For what?” He inquired

Again, all eyes were on me. It made me really uncomfortable. As a matter of fact, talking about myself at all makes me uncomfortable.

“Sometimes it reminds you of stuff you survived or a reminder to keep your head up through stuff you’re going through.” I explained

My phone dinged signaling a new email. I took my phone out to check my email. It was another photography project. This time I had to do a “scene” with the band. There were no restrictions to this. Great! Now I have to come up with something and I have no idea what’s around the venue or where to go or anything! 

“What do the colors mean?” Jake asked as I looked up from checking my email on my phone

Man this guy was inquisitive! 

“Green is for depression, teal is for anxiety, orange is for hunger, black is for self-harm and purple is for domestic violence.” I quickly replied, mumbling the ‘self-harm’ bit

I took the chance to look up at him. He seemed confused. Why I wasn’t sure. 

“I understand the depression and anxiety.” Jake slowly stated, “Hunger, self-harm, and domestic violence?”

“Like I said, sometimes it’s just a reminder of things you’ve survived.” I stuttered

“Miss Abrielle! You need to do a photography shoot with the band today correct?” Bill stated as he came to a stop next to our table

I don’t think I’ve ever been so grateful for a distraction from Shinedown in all my life!

“Uh, yes. I just got the assignment last night so I haven’t been able to come up with any ideas yet.” I replied, “Actually I have two. One is the live concert and the other is just a scene. There are no restrictions on that one.”

“I’ll schedule some time today for you to try and get the scene one done. Let me know if you need anything, OK? Jake, make sure the security knows she’ll be walking around photographing the band during the show” He smiled warmly at me

“Will do, Bill.” Jake replied

“Thank you.” I replied with my own smile

“We’ll be near the beach when we get to the venue. As a matter of fact, the venue is only about two blocks from the beach.” Jake informed me

“Oooh! That could be lots of fun!” Zach exclaimed

“Didn’t you guys already do like a beach photo shoot a few years ago?” I asked, raising my left eyebrow

“Yeah but it wasn’t really on the beach. I guess technically it was considered the beach. We were in a building, like a security tower type thing, but that shoot was all in that building.” Brent explained

“Hmm. Ok.” I thought

I took a napkin and a pen from my bag and began scribbling out ideas. Most weren’t very good but hey, I need a starting point, right? I’d gotten lost in to figure out what would make these guys look even more amazing, what I was capable of doing, and what all I might need that I hadn’t realized breakfast had been brought to the table. Brent touched my left shoulder and I jumped. It was painful, since I had a large bruise where I’d been pushed into a doorframe, and a bit of shock. The guys just laughed figuring it was just shock. I nibbled on my food while I continued working out what I could do with the little time I would probably have.

By the time breakfast was done, I’d come up with four basic but fun ideas. I wouldn’t need a lot of stuff and it shouldn’t take all day to photograph. My summer photo shoot for the band would include: playing volleyball, making sandcastles, playing Frisbee, and the four of them buried in the sand up to their necks/head. For the most part they would participate in the activity while I just photographed it. With any luck I’d get some good shots to use!

After breakfast, I quickly made my way back onto our bus. Shawn and Michael got back to playing xBox. Once again they started blaring some death metal. I headed to the very back and put my head phones on to try and drown out what they were blaring. I emailed Bill about my ideas and the few items I would need. Once that was done, I began looking through my favorite photography sites to get any tips on shooting outdoor, beach, and moving scenes. I didn’t want to waste their time and I wanted this to come out really well. 

The time must’ve really flown because the next thing I know, the death metal stops and I hear voices other than my bus mates. Brent pops his head in the back lounge and tells me that we’ve made it to the venue and that Bill is looking for me. With a shy smile, I thank him and then turn to pack up my laptop. As soon as I had packed that all up, I put it in my locker and grabbed my camera bag. Making sure my locker was locked up, I took a deep breath and walked off the bus. Jake was standing outside our bus about ten feet from the door. Seeing me, he smiled and then handed me what he said was an “all access pass”.

I slid the lanyard around my neck before following the much taller man into the venue. Not sure of what to do, I just followed him to the band’s dressing room. He suddenly turned around and my fear and anxiety levels sky-rocketed. I took a few steps back afraid that I was about to reprimanded or even struck. With a soft tone he said that the band were getting changed to head to the beach and for me to stay out here until they were ready. I simply nodded since I didn’t trust my voice. He smiled warmly at me before entering their dressing room. 

****BRENT’S POV****

We were changing into some beach wear when Jake entered the dressing room. He looked odd as he quickly shut the door.

“There’s something wrong with that girl.”

“What do you mean?” Eric asked

“Well, she was following me here after I have her the AAP. When I turned around to tell her she needed to stay out in the hallway while y’all got dressed, she took a few steps back, quit looking at me, and only nodded instead of speaking to me. It’s like the equivalent of a dog becoming suddenly afraid of being reprimanded.” Jake explained

“Did you seriously just compare her to a dog?!” Barry exclaimed

“Yeah. But if you’d been there, you’d know what an accurate comparison that really is. I’m telling you, that girl has been abused in her life at some point and she’s never gotten over it.” Jake stated

“Are we almost ready?” Zach asked

He always changed the subject when it came to discussing her odd behavior and why she acted the way she did. Once we were all dressed appropriately, we exited our dressing room. Bill was handing her a bag with whatever she had asked of him. Jake was escorting us to the beach and would “be around” in case things got a bit hairy. Barry was ready, Eric was nearly ready, and all I had to do was slip into my shoes.


	9. Beach Photo Shoot!

****ABRIELLE’S POV****

 

Jake was escorting us to the beach and would be staying close by in case we needed anything. Bill had given me a beach bag filled with the things I’d requested plus a beach blanket for me to sit on and several bottles of water. I remained quiet as we made the shortish walk down to the beach. My anxiety levels were rising again. I had to “instruct” the band on what I wanted them to do but I didn’t feel like I had the right to “order them around”. 

“Whatcha want us to do?” Zach asked as soon as we’d found a good spot

“Well I don’t think I’m going to do the standard posing shots.” I started out, “Go play Frisbee and I’ll get what I need. Pay no attention to me, OK?”

“Sounds fun!” Barry smiled at me

Brent took the bright yellow Frisbee before following Barry about twenty feet from where I was sitting. Eric took his shirt off revealing the crazy abs he had from all the Insanity work-outs. Brent even took his shirt off once he had made it to where Zach and Barry were standing. With a deep breathe, I took my camera out of the bag and began snapping photos. I had to change the settings a few times to account for people moving. The more I photographed these four, the more I realized just how attractive Eric was!

I was checking my pictures every few minutes to make sure they weren’t coming out blurry or anything. My eyes kept sweeping back over to Eric. These four men were making me smile as they played Frisbee. After a while, I walked over and said the next thing I wanted them to do was playing volleyball. Brent grinned at me and said this was probably the funnest photo shoot they had ever done. I looked down and smiled shyly. 

There was a volleyball net not too far from their current location. Barry was the first to serve so I got a good shot of him jumping up in the air about to hit the ball. As they were playing, I was running around getting as many shots as I possibly could. All I could do was pray that my photos were going to come out alright! As I took photograph after photograph, I couldn’t help but notice how sweaty they all were. Especially Eric. And how those beads of sweat just slowly rolled southward. 

Woah! Where did those thoughts come from? Shaking my head, I took a few more photos before saying I was done with the volleyball. We walked back to our space on the beach where I handed out bottles of water.

“What now, oh Mistress of the Photographs?” Zach asked

“I want you all to make Sandcastles. Either pair off or each one of do your own.” I explained

Man I hate telling them what to do.

“Ooooh sandcastles are fun to do!” Brent stated with a wide grin

“How about me and Eric versus Brent and Zach?” Barry offered

“However you want to pair up.” I replied quietly

They paired off the way Barry suggested. I walked around and photographed each man and both groups from all sorts of angles. These guys were having a great time and it was definitely infections. I got some really great angles of them. Especially of Eric. It wasn’t intentional either. He was just so photogenic!! Once their sandcastles were done, I got a good photo of what they’d just created. I was really nervous at what I wanted to ask next.

“Anything else you got for us?” Barry questioned

“Well…. There is one thing I’d like to do….” I trailed

“What’s that?” Eric asked, flashing me a warm grin

“Uh, bury each other in the sand?” I sort of questioned

Zach burst out laughing which made me really nervous. I took a step back and looked down.

“Oh my God that would be so fucking funny to see in picture!” Zach exclaimed when his laughter died down

“Who wants to go first?” Brent questioned his band mates

“Me! Me! **MEEEEEEE!** ” Zach stated, jumping up and down in excitement

“Well I guess we’ll be burying Zach first!” Barry laughed

By this point, all four guys were shirtless. Barry, Eric, and Brent started digging a hole for Zach to lay in. They were working together which was really awesome to photograph. They wound up burying Zach to his neck where all that was visible was his head. It made me giggle! They started posing with him in very odd and humorous ways which of course I got all on film! Brent was next to be buried. It wasn’t as bad since they just had to move the sand off Zach. One by one they were each “buried in the sand”. Oh yeah, this was going to be a great photo shoot! I think I’ve gotten all the shots I need so I said we could wrap this up.

“That was really the most fun we’ve ever had doing photo shoots.” Barry told me as we walked back to the venue

“Uh, thanks.” I quietly replied

“You guys have interviews to get to in about….. ten minutes.” Jake stated

I still had my pass so I opted to go get my laptop and put up my camera bag. I took the card out so I could upload all the photos I’d just taken to my Photobucket account. I was sitting in the front lounge at the dinner table checking emails when Shawn boarded the bus. He just looked at me then called me a worthless slut. It stung, even if it wasn’t true, and I quickly looked back to my laptop.


	10. Cut too deep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK peoples. I tagged this story with self-harm and this is the chapter that it comes into play. There's your warning.

****ABRIELLE’S POV****

 

We’d been on the road with Shinedown for a few months now. I was check my emails and received one about a project that was going to be announced in a week or so. My professor wanted me to have a sneak peak to it. We had to recreate a music video they band had already done. There were only three restrictions to it. First, it had to be in animation form. Second, it had to be a shot-for-shot recreation of that video. And thirdly it had to have the student’s flourish to it. That was going to take quite a while to do! Good thing we had a few months to work on it! 

I hated staying on my bus. Michael and Shawn were mean especially when they were drunk. I quite often had to hide the bruises from where I’d landed after they shoved, pushed, or tripped me into things. They constantly made fun of me and made me cry on several occasions by the things they were saying. They even made it where I couldn’t get to the groceries on our bus. Life was hell. Except when I was with the band. They also got me to giggling. Even as much as I loved hanging out with them, I kept them at arms’ length. If they ever got close to me, they would realize how horrible I really was. It was much better to keep them in the dark than for them to find out the truth about me and have them turn on me too. 

I was almost caught one day since I had a bad scrape across my upper arm where a Jack Daniels bottle hit me after Michael threw it at my head. Don’t even get me started on how many times they’ve pulled me out of my bunk in the middle of the night just to hurl insults or objects at me! It was actually worse than being at home. At least there I had somewhere I could hide when I needed to! As mean as they were, they were smart about it. They never said a bad word to or about me in front of any member of the crew or management. 

Shinedown and their crew were all very close. If one guy heard either of these two boys say anything bad then they would be confronted about it. As I was “partaking” in one of my class discussions, I came to the realization that I was just as stuck here on tour as I was at home. Don’t get me wrong, I loved hanging out with Shinedown. I loved how they always made me laugh. I loved how so positive, uplifting, encouraging, and loving they were to one another and everyone around them. Despite all that, I was still miserable.

I would never go to the band or Jake with what was happening though. Surely they’d think I was weak! I felt trapped and alone. Instead of bringing my meager and worthless problems to them, I turned to what had always made me feel better back home. I cut myself. That’s what I was doing one day when I was startled by my bus mates. I went too deep and started really bleeding. Biting my lip, I tried to stop the bleeding but I wasn’t really able to. I was so busy in trying to stop the bleeding, as a matter of fact, that I didn’t hear anyone come onto the bus. Hearing a shocked gasp made me look up. Brent was standing there staring at me. To say I was mortified was an understatement. 

I tried to stutter an explanation but he just shook his head. Seeing my failed attempt at stopping the bleeding, he grabbed my hand and dragged me off my bus. I was still bleeding pretty badly when we boarded their bus. As we quickly walked, I began praying that the bus was empty. It was bad enough seeing his reaction. I’m not sure I could take the others’ reactions. Just my luck the other three were there getting ready to play cards. He ordered Barry to call Jake and have him bring the med kit. Brent gently pushed me onto the right-side couch before rushing off to the back. None of them apparently saw exactly what my issue was until Zach stood up to find out why.

“What the fuck happened to you?!” Zach suddenly exclaimed as Barry was on the phone

I couldn’t look him, or anyone, in the eyes. Brent returned with what I hoped was a clean t-shirt. He wrapped it around my bleeding forearm and applied pressure to try and stop the bleeding. Glancing up, I found Zach kneeling in front of me with teary eyes. Even Eric had moved to kneel on Zach’s left. The tall bassist gently placed his right hand on my right knee in a comforting manner. It was all I could do to keep from crying right there. At the same time, I was mentally preparing myself for the screaming fit I was sure they were about to have at me. 

“What happened on your bus?” Brent asked, voice soft but still slightly panicked as he kept pressured on my arm

“What happened? Why did I need the med kit?” Jake asked as soon as he boarded the bus

“She has a pretty bad cut on her left forearm.” Brent replied

Jake ordered Zach to move so he could doctor my wound. Brent removed the t-shirt revealing my “wound”. Barry had went to get a couple towels to put down on the floor while Brent was talking to me since I was still bleeding pretty badly. Eric just looked between me and my bleeding arm. Thankfully there was so much blood on my arm that the few other “scars” weren’t visible! I was so terrified of them finding out my secrets!

“This wound looks deep. She may need to go the hospital if I can’t get the bleeding to stop.” Jake informed them

“Darlin’ please tell us what happened.” Barry urged, voice cracking slightly

I couldn’t say anything. I just couldn’t. All I could do was watch Jake as he doctored me and will back the tears.

“Black.” Eric suddenly stated as he realized what really happened

“Black? What the fuck does that mean?” Jake questioned, cocking his eyebrow

Zach got it and gasped. The shame I feel afterwards was just multiplied by about a thousand. The realization hit that these four men would probably never trust me again and that stung deeply.

“You did this to yourself, didn’t you?” The bassist questioned with the saddest tone I’d ever heard

All I could give them was silence. By now I was feeling nauseas and a bit light-headed. And tears were starting to slip down my cheek despite my best efforts of willing them away.

“If she did this to herself, I’d suggest moving her onto your bus for a while. Keep an eye on her. Especially with that wound.” Jake verbalized before turning his eyes to me, “Are you feeling dizzy or nauseas?”

I shook my head yes because I didn’t trust my voice. He asked if I meant yes to both so I nodded my head again. He popped open a bottle and handed Eric a pill. Apparently it was an anti-nausea medicine. He told them I should lay down and rest but that I needed to drink plenty of liquids to help replenish what I’d lost nearly bleeding to death. Barry said he’d go fetch my things from our bus. Brent went to get me a pillow & blanket while Zach fetched a bottle of water for me. Eric helped me into a more laying position. I refused to look at anyone out of fear, shame, and the feeling of being worthless. 

I didn’t deserve the treatment these guys were giving me. Brent draped the blanket over me before Zach laid the water bottle down on the couch with me. The three of them silently headed to the back lounge. They were going to talk about me alone. This was it. They were going to send me back home. If that happened, there was no point in even making an effort to survive. Barry returned with all my things. I watched as he set my stuff by the kitchen table before walking over to where I was laying.

“Sweetheart, please talk to us. Even just one of us.” He urged, “What happened? What can we do for you? We want to help you, Abrielle, but we can’t if we don’t know what you need.”

I just looked away from him. Truly I wasn’t worthy of their help. I wasn’t worthy of even being in their presence. He gave my leg a gentle squeeze before walking to the back lounge and shutting the door. Once I was alone, I let the tears flow. Why did Brent have to walk in at that very moment? Why couldn’t I just die and be done with all this pain?! Before long, I’d cried myself to sleep.


	11. A talk with Lori

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a continuation, more or less, of the last chapter. Except this is in Eric's PoV.

****ERIC’S POV****

Barry, Zach, and I were getting ready to play cards. Brent had went to the student’s bus to see if she wanted to play too. Brent was pulling Abrielle along as they boarded the bus. He ordered Barry to call Jake and to bring the med kit. Brent gently pushed her onto the right-side couch before rushing off to the back. None of us saw exactly what the issue was until Zach stood up to find out why.

“What the fuck happened to you?!” Zach suddenly exclaimed as Barry was on the phone with Jake

She couldn’t look him, or anyone, in the eyes. Barry and I had moved so we could what Zach was freaking out about. Brent returned with a clean t-shirt. He wrapped it around her bleeding forearm and squeezed to try and stop the bleeding. Glancing up, she found Zach kneeling in front of her. I had moved to kneel on Zach’s left so I could be near her and help with anything that I could. I gently placed my right hand on her right knee in a comforting manner. Had she been attacked? Was it an accident on the bus? Had one of the other student’s done this?!

“What happened on your bus?” Brent asked, voice soft but still slightly panicked as he kept pressured on her arm

“What happened? Why did I need the med kit?” Jake asked as soon as he boarded the bus

“She has a pretty bad cut on her left forearm.” Brent replied

Jake ordered Zach to move so he could doctor her wound. Brent removed the t-shirt revealing the wound. Barry went to get a couple towels to put down on the floor since she was still bleeding pretty badly. I just looked between her and her bleeding arm. 

“This wound looks deep. She may need to go the hospital if I can’t get the bleeding to stop.” Jake informed us

“Darlin’ please tell us what happened.” Barry urged, voice cracking slightly

She couldn’t say anything. It really bothered me why she wouldn’t tell us what happened. She just sat there and watched Jake as he doctored her. She appeared to upset because there were tears in her eyes. My natural instincts were going crazy!

“Black.” I suddenly stated as the realization of what really happened hit me

The black band in the bracelet she wore all the time meant “self-harm”. It upset me to know she had done this to herself. If she was so upset why didn’t she come to one of us? Did she not like us? Did she not trust us?

“Black? What the fuck does that mean?” Jake questioned, cocking his eyebrow

Zach got it and gasped. I could see the shame she felt wash over her. The realization hit that we knew seemed to sting deeply. All I wanted to do was pull her to me and keep her safe.

“You did this to yourself, didn’t you?” I questioned with the saddest tone I’d ever heard come out of myself

All she gave us was silence. The silence told me all I needed to know. It hurt to know she she had actually done this to herself.

“If she did this to herself, I’d suggest moving her onto your bus for a while. Keep an eye on her. Especially with that wound.” Jake verbalized before turning his eyes to her, “Are you feeling dizzy or nauseas?”

She shook her head yes. He asked if she meant yes to both so she nodded her head again. He popped open a bottle and handed me a pill. It was an anti-nausea medicine. He told us she should lay down and rest but that she needed to drink plenty of liquids to help replenish what she’d lost nearly bleeding to death. Barry said he’d go fetch her things from their bus. Jake finally left but before he left, he said that if she was still bleeding that we would have to take her to the hospital.

Brent went to get her a pillow & blanket while Zach fetched a bottle of water. I helped her into a more laying position. She refused to look at me and it stung. Brent draped the blanket over her before Zach laid the water bottle down on the couch with her. The three of us silently headed to the back lounge. Brent shut the door as we all just stood there in shock. Her silence told us what happened.

“She…. What did you see when you boarded their bus?” Zach questioned

Tears were already streaking down his face. Brent took a deep breath before answering.

“I boarded their bus to see if she wanted to play cards with us. There wasn’t anyone in the front lounge so I cautiously walked to the back lounge. Apparently she didn’t hear anyone come onto the bus. There she was sitting on the couch in the back with blood just pouring out of her arm. She appeared to be trying to stop the bleeding.

My shocked gasp finally made her look up. She looked mortified that I was there. All I could do was stand there staring at her. She tried to stutter an explanation but all I could do was just shake my head. Seeing her unable to stop the bleeding, I grab her hand and dragged her off the bus. She was still bleeding pretty badly as we walked over here.” Brent told us

“Why?” Zach questioned

His voice sounded so childish!

“We don’t know, Zach.” Brent replied as Barry came in 

“She still won’t look at me. She may have cut herself but I’m not sure she was trying to commit suicide.” Barry exclaimed as he moved to have a seat next to Brent

“Why would she cut herself? Why wouldn’t she come to us if she was hurting like that?” Zach questioned

We drifted off into our own thoughts. 

“Green is for depression, teal is for anxiety, orange is for hunger, black is for self-harm and purple is for domestic violence.” I stated, pulling everyone out of their thoughts

Barry just cocked his eyebrow at me.

“Remember what Jake said earlier today? He thinks she’s been abused and never gotten over it. We all assumed the anxiety and depression is college related. What if it’s not? What if the domestic violence is the root of everything else?” I suggested

“That would fuel the anxiety and depression. Which in turn could fuel the self-harm. I don’t understand the hunger part though.” Barry replied

“What if that’s part of the abuse? We don’t know what her home life is like. We know she was bullied at school. Think about it. How she refused eye contact. How when she perceives someone is going to yell at her or worse she takes a few steps back. It’s all a learned behavior.” I explained, “She self-harms as a way to deal with the pain she believes will never end. She can’t see a way out.”

“None of us have treated her that way. Why would she still feel like that?” Zach questioned, looking up at me with tearful eyes

“I don’t have an answer for that. All that matters right now is that she does feel that way. We need to figure out how to best deal with the issue at hand.” Barry replied

“Jake is right. She needs to stay on our bus. Permanently.” Brent added

“I’m perfectly fine with that.” Zach quickly replied

Barry called Lori. She would know better than anyone how to help Abrielle. He put her on speaker phone before explaining what had happened. We asked her advice on what we should do and how we should help her.

_“Ok guys. First thing is first. You have to deal with your own feelings. You may feel shocked, confused, or even disgusted by self-harming behaviors—and guilty about admitting these feelings. Acknowledging your feelings is an important first step toward helping her. Secondly, learn about the problem. The best way to overcome any discomfort or distaste you feel about self-harm is by learning about it. Understanding why she is self-injuring can help you see the world from his or her eyes._

_Thirdly, and I cannot stress this enough, don’t judge. Avoid judgmental comments and criticism—they’ll only make things worse. The first two tips will go a long way in helping you with this. Remember, she already feels ashamed and alone. Fourthly, offer support, not ultimatums. I know you guys won’t have a problem with this because you’re all very supporting people. It’s only natural to want to help, but threats, punishments, and ultimatums are counterproductive. Express your concern and let the person know that you’re available whenever he or she wants to talk or needs support._

_Lastly, encourage communication. Encourage her to express whatever she is feeling, even if it’s something you might be uncomfortable with. If she hasn’t told you about the self-harm, bring up the subject in a caring, non-confrontational way: ‘I’ve noticed injuries on your body, and I want to understand what you’re going through.’ Like I said, let her know on a daily basis that you are willing to listen to her any time she’s ready to talk to you. Don’t be pushy about it but make sure she knows this.”_ Lori told us

“Lori, we’re all terrified for her.” Zach said, voice child-like again

_”That’s ok guys. You’re worried about her. It’s OK to feel upset if she tells you she’s been harming herself. Someone who is self-harming might feel very alone and worry about being labelled as attention-seeking, mad, or a freak. Respect her feelings. She’s hurting and it can be difficult to bear and will bring out the urge to protect her. So when she is hurting herself it can stir up complicated emotions._

_Don’t expect a ‘quick fix’. Don’t give her goals to stop. Don’t blame her. Don’t panic about what she’s doing and what she’s going through. If you need any more advice, give me a ring. I have to get back to work.”_ Lori told us


	12. Trip to the ER

****ERIC’S POV****

 

Lori had given us some solid advice. I still just wanted to pull her into my arms and protect her from any and all harm. We needed to sit down with her and find out absolutely everything. It sounded easier than we all knew it was going to be. Everyone were lost in their thoughts and I couldn’t take it anymore. I had to go check on her. She was asleep but it appeared she’d cried herself to sleep. She was still sniffling too, which just broke my heart. Kneeling next to her head, I moved some hair out of her face.

I sat down across from her and just watched her sleep. Brent came in and sat next to me. For a long while we just sat there in silence watching her sleep. He finally said that we should probably check on her arm. I got up and kneeled down beside her. Gently taking her arm in my hands, I looked her bandages over. They were all soaked with blood. Telling Brent this, he got the med kit and called Jake. The much taller blond arrived within minutes. It concerned me when he checked her pulse. 

“Her pulse rate is a bit slow. She’s still bleeding, guys.” He stated, “Get her to the ER.”

“I’ll take her.” I stated

Brent wrapped her arm in a towel so I started to gently shake her shoulder to wake her up. Her sleepy face was really cute! For a few moments she didn’t seem to remember earlier events and looked quite confused as to why she was sleeping on our bus. When she did remember, however, she looked away from me and Brent.

“Sweetheart, I gotta take you to the ER. Your arm is still bleeding and we can’t seem to get it to stop. Is that ok?” I softly and cautiously asked her

She just nodded her head yes. She was clearly not ready to talk to us. Or she was feeling ashamed, alone, and worried about what we were going to think about her. Seeing her having difficulties walking, I slipped my arm around her waist to help steady her. Jake left to pull around a rental car while we were getting her up and ready. The car came to a stop so I helped her into the passenger’s seat. Making sure she was buckled in and not going to bolt, I quickly made my way into the driver’s seat. 

 

****ABRIELLE’S POV****

Brent was wrapping my arm in a towel and I sort of felt someone gently shaking my shoulder to wake me up. I looked over to see Eric kneeling besides me. For a brief few moments I didn’t remember earlier events and was quite confused as to why I was on their bus. When I did remember, however, I quickly looked away from Eric and Brent.

“Sweetheart, I gotta take you to the ER. Your arm is still bleeding and we can’t seem to get it to stop. Is that ok?” Eric softly and cautiously asked me

If I was still bleeding then I did need to be seen by medical professionals. I just nodded my head yes. I wasn’t ready to talk to them about what happened. On top of still feeling ashamed, alone, and worried about what they thought about me because of it. Seeing me having difficulties walking, as I was still light-headed and now feeling kind of weak, Eric slipped his arm around my waist to help steady me. A car came to a stop by us so he helped me into the passenger’s seat. Making sure I was buckled in and not going to bolt, he quickly made his way into the driver’s seat.

Thankfully he didn’t bring any of it up and just remained silent the whole ride to the local hospital. He helped me walk in and kept a good hold on me. His niceness just made me feel even worse, even if the gesture was appreciated, which fueled the depression and anxiety. He explained to the nurse that I’d had an accident, what they had done to help me, and that my arm was still bleeding. She asked me if I was feeling nauseas and light-headed which I told her yes quietly. I was immediately taken into a triage room where she could take all my vitals and see the wound itself.

Surprise, surprise my blood pressure is down and heart rate is up. She asked me the dreaded question. How did this happen.

“Well, I’m on tour for a University program with his band. I’ve always been clumsy especially in places I’m not used to. So I was walking around the place they’re playing at tonight when I tripped over a large cable. There was this sharp piece of something sticking up off the ground that I sliced my arm on.” I expertly replied

“Ok sweetie. We’re going to have to take you back to a room so we can get you fixed up.” She told me, “Do you want your friend to come back with you?”

Did I want Eric to come back with me? To see them do whatever they’re going to do with me? No. No I didn’t. But then I started panicking about being all alone back there while they were working on me. Before I knew it, I heard myself tell her that I did indeed want him back there with me. She took me to a “private room” in the ER and got me hooked up with an IV, heart monitor, pulse monitor and blood pressure cuff. She said she was going to go get my friend and that the doctor would be in very soon.

About a minute after she returned with Eric, the doctor came in to check on my still-bleeding wound. 

“What happened here?” He questioned with a soft tone

“I’m too clumsy for my own good.” I chuckled nervously, “I was walking around and tripped over a large cable. I sliced my arm on this sharp piece of metal that was sticking up off the ground.”

“She’s a college student on tour with my band. We were about to go do our sound check for tonight’s show when she came up holding her arm. Our tour manager has some medical experience so he cleaned the wound and bandaged her up hoping the bleeding would stop on its own. He said that if didn’t stop in about fifteen minutes then we should bring her here.” Eric added in

“He was a smart man. You did very well.” The doctor said, looking at Eric

He said he didn’t like my vitals being so low, me being light-headed still and nauseas. He said that I would indeed need stitches for the wound and that the cut to my arm had actually nicked a vein and that’s why I was still bleeding. I felt weak and light-headed because of all the blood I lost. He went on to say that the nurse would be back in to stitch me and that he’d send me home with a good anti-biotic, anti-nausea pill, and a mild pain-killer. Eric thanked him before he left.

“You didn’t have to lie for me.” I whispered, staring at my hands

“Sweetheart, we’re not going to call you out on what really happened. We’re not going to judge you, we’re not going to put you down for how you deal with things. We’re very concerned for you. We don’t understand why you did it but we want to. We want to understand what you’re going through.” Eric calmly told me

I was about to open my mouth and open up to him when the nurse came back in. She treated my wound with disinfectant and washed it to make sure it was clean and ready for the stitches. 

“Before the stitching begins I will have you sit up so you can rest your injured arm on an operating table. I’ll be using a powerful light that’s attached to the table to see the wound as best as I can. Local anesthetic will be used to dull pain in the area without causing you to lose consciousness.” The nurse explained as she washed my wound

As she went to get this “operating table”, Eric helped me into a sitting position. It was a good thing he was right there because I was so light-headed still that I actually fell forward! I fell straight into his chest. He quickly slid his arms around my shoulders to keep me steady. I couldn’t look him in the eyes as we remained in that position. The nurse came back in interrupting this little moment. She said that she will put in each stitch individually rather than sewing a line through my skin which will result in visible knots and ends where each stitch is. It was normal, she reassured. I was also very happy to hear that I would be having dissolvable stitches that will disintegrate over time rather than having to be moved.

She waited a few minutes to let the anesthetic start working before she started to actually put the stitches in. Despite the anesthetic, it still hurt. Seeing silent tears streak down my face, Eric moved to sit on my right side. He took my hand in his and gave it a light squeeze in comfort and reassurance. It was a nice gesture, even if I still didn’t believe I deserved his kindness, and did calm me down some. He refused to let me go until she was completely done with stitching me up and wrapping the wound.

“While you have the stitches in it will be important not to get the area wet as this can interfere with them. Make sure that you wash around the area carefully and wrap it up if possible when taking a bath. Of course you should avoid putting pressure on the stitches where possible which can cause them to tear, to damage the surrounding area or to come loose. At the same time you should be cautious not to get dirt in it and to try to keep it as clean as possible. 

If your stitches are damaged and have to be re-done then this will set you back and cause more scarring once they are removed. I always suggest patients to dab the area with salt water occasionally in order to disinfect it and further prevent infection. Something else I advise is to keep the area moist with something like Vaseline, and particularly something including vitamin E which can help the skin to repair itself.” She explained before handing Eric a package that had everything I would need to doctor my wound as well as after-care instructions

She told me I could lay back down. Eric was very kind and helped me lay back down once he hopped off the bed. I was hoping to be released so I could go hide on the bus somewhere. Apparently I wasn’t going to be released for a little bit. The doctor had ordered several bags of fluids since I’d lost so much blood. He told me that it would help generate blood quicker and would also help with the weak and light-headedness. For some reason I started getting sleepy, which according to the doctor was normal, so I closed my eyes for a little bit.

“Ok, sweetie. I’m going to unhook you from everything. You’re being released into your friend’s care.” The nurse said, waking me up

Eric’s soft chuckles made me look over at him. He said I’d been sleeping for the better part of an hour. Once everything was unhooked, he helped me off the uncomfortable bed. He had everything I was being sent home with, including my prescriptions, so he slid his arm around me once more as he led me back out to the rental.


	13. Back from the ER; another call to Lori

****ABRIELLE’S POV****

 

We drove in silence back to the bus. Barry, Brent, Zach, and Jake were all sitting there. It looked like they were playing cards but I couldn’t tell for sure what they were doing. As soon as we boarded, or really as soon as Eric helped me on board, they all stopped and turned to watch us. He helped me back onto the couch where I could watch TV if I wanted to. Naturally they all wanted to know what happened at the hospital.

“Well she got some dissolvable stitches put in. The doc said a vein was nicked and that’s why she was bleeding so much. She’s feeling weak and light-headed because of how much blood she actually lost. He thinks she’ll be fine, though. Sent her home with some antibiotics, anti-nausea pill, and a mild pain killer.” Eric explained

“What did y’all tell them?” Zach questioned looking at me

I just looked down.

“That she was walking around the venue, tripped over a large cable and happened to cut her arm on something on the ground.” Eric replied for me

“And they bought that?” Jake questioned

“Yeah.” Eric stated, “I’m sure she’s tired. Which bunk is hers?”

Oh thank God. Give me an out to this conversation. Barry got up and said he’d fixed my bunk for me. I would be sleeping on the bottom across from Zach. Eric would be sleeping above me. He had even switched the bedding out to what I’d bought that first night out on the road.

“Thanks.” I mumbled

“You’re more than welcome, Sweetie. Get some rest.” He told me with a warm smile

I slipped out of my shoes and then climbed into my bunk. It surprised me at how tired I actually was. As I laid there, I tried fighting sleep but it over-took me. 

 

****BRENT’S POV****

 

“She’s depressed but wouldn’t say anything. I lied to the doctor, backing up her lie, and she said that I didn’t have to. She actually seemed… surprised… I guess.” Eric told us

“She’s feeling guilty about it and probably like she is undeserving of anything. I was doing some research earlier about it.” Jake stated

“She seemed really surprised when I sat next to her and held her hand as she was getting the stitches. I couldn’t not do anything. She was crying and obviously scared.” Eric told us

“Did she say anything about why she did it?” Barry asked as he returned from showing her where she’d be sleeping

“Nothing. I did let her know that we weren’t judging her. I told her that we’re very concerned for her and really want to understand what she’s going through.” Eric explained

“Good. She needs to hear that. How long do you think she’ll be feeling weak like this?” I asked

“Well, she did lose a lot of blood. It’ll take a day or two for her body to replenish what she lost.” Jake explained us

“Brent? You ok?” I heard Barry ask

“I sort of understand. She’s depressed. I can relate to those feelings. When you feel like no one understands you, you’ll turn to anything that relieves the pain even if it’s temporary. For her I guess it’s cutting herself. For me it was drugs and alcohol.” I stated thoughtfully

“We can’t treat her like an addict!” Eric exclaimed

“No. I’m not saying that. I’m just saying I understand that part of what she’s going through.” I tried to explain

Eric and I were the more emotional of the band although Zach could get pretty fired up over things too. Barry once again called Lori. Putting her on speaker, we all greeted her cordially. He asked her to tell us how we can help Abrielle with her depression. Lori was so great. She happily told us all about dealing with people with depression. Even things I didn’t know or remember.

_”I’m sure Barry remembers just how serious a condition Depression is. Don’t underestimate the seriousness of depression. It drains a person’s energy, optimism, and motivation. She can’t just “snap out of it” by sheer force of will. Also remember that the symptoms of depression aren’t personal. Depression makes it difficult for a person to connect on a deep emotional level with anyone, even the people he or she loves most.”_ Lori explained

“Is that why she seems to keep us at arms’ length and won’t let us get close to her?” Zach questioned

_”Yes it is, Zach. It’s not that she doesn’t like you. Some depressed people often say hurtful things and lash out in anger. Remember that this is the depression talking, not her, so try not to take it personally. Hiding the problem won’t make it go away so don’t be an enabler. It doesn’t help anyone”_ Lori stated

“She’s not really talking to us right now after Brent found her earlier. I’ve never heard her say anything hurtful to anyone or even lash out in anger.” Barry told his wife

The more we heard about depression and stuff the more everything just fit into place. 

_”You also need to remember that you can’t “fix” her depression. Don’t try to rescue her from depression. You’re not responsible for her happiness or lack thereof. Ultimately, recovery is in the hands of her.”_ Lori told us

“What can we do for her? She’s obviously depressed. We think it stems from her home life although we have no details on that just yet.” Zach stated with a child-like voice

He was taking this the hardest I think. It was very personal to him since his cousin committed suicide when he was a teenager.

_”Being supportive involves offering encouragement and hope. Most of the time this is a matter of just talking to her in language that she will understand and respond to while in a depressed mind frame.”_

“What are good things to say? We absolutely don’t want to say anything that will be detrimental to her or that will upset her or….” I stated

_”Things like ‘You are not alone in this. I’m here for you’, ’You may not believe it now, but the way you’re feeling will change’, ’I may not be able to understand exactly how you feel, but I care about you and want to help’, ’When you want to give up, tell yourself you will hold on for just one more day, hour, minute—whatever you can manage’, ’You are important to me. Your life is important to me’, and ’Tell me what I can do now to help you’ are all good things to say._

_Also, remember that depression clouds judgment and distorts thinking, causing a normally rational person to believe all sorts of things that aren’t true. Things like she isn’t worthy of love or kindness. That no one really likes her. That the pain she’s feeling is deserved. It’s rough but reassure her that you do like her, things aren’t her fault and that the pain, even if it’s temporary, isn’t deserved and that things will get better even if she can’t see it right at that moment.”_ Lori explained

“Thank you baby! Tell my Stella Princess I love her.” Barry stated before we hung up

“Brent, you ok?” Zach asked as he looked over at me

“All I can think is how I felt and how much worse she must be feeling. I never thought the pain I felt was deserved. I can’t even imagine what that feels like. To feel like you’re unworthy of other’s kindness. It just….” I stumbled over my words, “…it’s so hard to imagine. She must….. How long has she been feeling this way? Who started making her feel this way?!”

“I’ve wondered that too, Brent. It just pisses me off to no end to think about it.” Eric retorted

I sighed heavily. Jake said we would need to get to interviews shortly and that we should all calm down before we go. I headed into the bathroom to splash water on my face. Yes, calm down. She’s safe with us now. We can help her through this. By the end of this tour we might even have her recovered from all the abuse she’d been subjected to. Zach would be looking after her like his little sister. Eric was as emotional as me about the whole thing. Hell, that one incident the other day where those guys poured milkshakes on her he growled. He actually growled like a wolf. I’d never heard him do that before. Hopefully I won’t hear that again from him!


	14. Waking from a deep sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the last chapter I have actually written up. No, it's not the end. It's a Work-In-Progress. I promise you there will be more :)

****ZACH’S POV****

We were all very concerned. She’d been sleeping for two days straight. We each checked on her every now and then to make sure she was still alive. Barry changed her bandaged arm as best as he could with her in her bunk. Eric was on edge. He was very anxious and nervous like. I didn’t blame him I’m sure the guys were saying the same thing about me. 

Brent and Barry were playing cards at the kitchen table while Eric and I were half-assed playing “Need for Speed” in the front lounge. Hearing a soft moan, I turned around. Abrielle was leaning against the doorway to the bunks. 

“Abrielle! How are you feeling?” Brent asked making Eric whip around

“Uuuuuh.” She moaned

Barry got up to help her to a seat on the right-side couch.

“Are you hungry? You must be pretty thirsty too.” Brent stated 

Barry had gone to get the medical supplies to change her dressing. Eric quickly got up to get her a bottle of Fruit Punch Gatorade while I moved closer to her. 

“We need to change your dressings and clean the wound.” Barry explained as he sat down on her left side

“What time is it?” She quietly asked

“It’s 1:43. You’ve been sleeping pretty much nonstop for two days.” Eric quietly told her

“Ugh.” She retorted

“Can we get you anything?” I asked

“Just…. Thirsty.” She replied

Eric opened the Gatorade bottle and handed it to her. I noticed her hand was shaking and it concerned me. She drank about half the bottle before putting it back down. 

“Why is her hand shaking?” Eric questioned

“Well guys, she lost a lot of blood and has been sleeping for two days’ straight. I imagine her body is needing sustenance.” Barry replied

“What would you like to eat?” I asked her

She shrugged indifferently and it broke my heart. Barry told her whatever she wanted to eat we would get her. I could see the struggle in her. She did want to eat but she was afraid of asking. Eric urged her to eat with a soft tone. 

“Um, steak would be good.” She finally, and very quietly, replied

“Steak! A woman after my own heart!” Eric laughed playfully

“Let me look up places with good steaks and then we can hit the road.” Barry stated with a smile

 

****ABRIELLE’S POV****

 

“What time is it?” I quietly asked

My arm hurt and I felt weak still. 

“It’s 1:43. You’ve been sleeping pretty much nonstop for two days.” Eric quietly told me

“Ugh.” Was all I could say

I’ve been sleeping for two days?! Holy hell! I must’ve really gone to the brink of death.

“Can we get you anything?” Zach asked

“Just…. Thirsty.” I replied

Eric opened the Gatorade bottle and handed it to me. I noticed my hand was shaking and it concerned me. I wound up drinking about half the bottle before putting it back down. Damn I must be more thirsty than I realized when I woke up!

“Why is her hand shaking?” Eric questioned

“Well guys, she lost a lot of blood and has been sleeping for two days’ straight. I imagine her body is needing sustenance.” Barry replied

“What would you like to eat?” Zach asked me

I shrugged indifferently not wanting to be a bother to them. Especially since I was staying on their bus now. Barry told me whatever I wanted to eat they would get me. I debated on what I wanted to eat with what I should ask for. It seemed stupid but I was really struggling with this. I did want to eat but was afraid of asking. Eric urged me to eat with a soft tone. He was such a caring guy!

“Um, steak would be good.” I finally, and very quietly, replied

I was sure they were going to put down my idea or call me stupid for wanting steak. 

“Steak! A woman after my own heart!” Eric laughed playfully

Eric’s laugh was quite cute!

“Let me look up places with good steaks and then we can hit the road.” Barry stated with a smile 

He found a suitable place so I went to go get dressed. There was no way I was going to leave this bus in clothes I’d been sleeping in for two days. Not really wanting to dress up, I slid into a pair of ripped to hell jeans that I’d sewn some thick fishnet inside of for a cool effect through the holes of the jeans, a simple back tank, my black and white knee high Chucks tucking my jeans into them, and some black and white arm bands to hide the scars that were there. I ran my brush through my hair and slowly made my way up front. 

Eric and Zach helped me off the bus while Barry was sitting in a rental car. They let me sit up front so the other two quickly slid into the back seat. To my surprise, it didn’t take us long to make it to the restaurant. The four of us were seated and handed our menus. I already knew what I wanted but I glanced over the menu anyhow. Zach ordered some sort of fish or shrimp. Barry ordered a grilled chicken dish. Eric and I ordered the same thing except mine was well done while he ordered his steak medium well. We both had the salad and baked potato. 

Once we’d ordered our lunch and the waitress left us alone, they all turned to me. Eric asked how I was really doing now that I’ve woken up and was about to get something in my stomach.

“Uh, ask when my tummy is full.” I stated, trying to be funny, “Kinda weak, really but OK I guess.”

“Getting sustenance in you, getting more liquids in you and you should really start feeling better. Take things easy for the next couple days and you’ll be back to your wonderful self in no time!” Barry smiled at me

“We need to talk about what happened even if you don’t want to.” Zach suddenly, and quietly, exclaimed

This is what I didn’t want to talk about! 

“Abrielle, tell us what happened. We want to understand you, to understand what happened, what made you do that in the first place.” Eric stated, reaching over and grabbing my hand

“We are here for you. We’re all family and we look out for one another. There are no judgments with us. You need to help us understand, help educate us.” Barry added in


	15. Bad coping skills

****ABRIELLE’S POV****

 

“Abrielle, we can’t help you until you help us understand.” Brent softly stated

I sighed heavily. They were all so sweet and kind and didn’t appear to be angry with me. Maybe they were different. Maybe if I tell them just a little then that will be enough and they’ll quit asking me questions. 

“I don’t have the best coping skills, ok? I was startled by Shawn and Michael and accidently cut too deep. That’s all.” I quickly stammered

“There’s more to it than that, isn’t there?” Zach stated, looking at me with a sad expression

I just shrugged, “Can’t we just leave it at I have bad coping skills?”

“That’s not going to help you. Why do you have bad coping skills? What can we do to help you?” Brent replied

Our waitress arrived, thankfully, so they temporarily dropped the conversation. I slowly ate, enjoying the wonderful steak, and braced myself for being made fun of for the way I ate. They talked about the show later that night and of the next city. I was the last to finish eating, as I was taking my time to actually enjoy my meal, and after I was done we headed back to the bus. Apparently they didn’t have any interviews or anything to do. Zach helped me into the passenger seat before we got going. 

As we approached the bus I knew that they would be bringing up the conversation that they’d started back at the restaurant. They weren’t going to let this go. We got settled in the “front lounge” where Eric handed me a few of my pills. I took them with the Gatorade that Zach had proceeded to hand me.

“Ok, Darlin’, you have to talk to us. You said that you had accidentally cut yourself too deep. Let’s start with why you cut in the first place.” Brent gently stated

His voice was calm and soft which sort of confused me.

“Like I said, I have bad coping skills.” I retorted

“Abrielle, we simply want to understand what you’re feeling and what you’re going through. You have to be honest with us for that to happen, OK?” Barry softly stated

“It… it’s my way of dealing with deep distress and emotional pain.” I finally stated, looking down, “Like I said before, I have bad coping skills.”

“This is a good start. What else can you tell us about it?” Barry asked

I sighed hating having to put these things into words. Surely they were going to look down on me for this. Everyone at home would!

“Sometimes it’s a way to have control over my body when I can’t control anything else in my life.” I shamefully explained

“Abrielle, I want you to do something for me.” Zach stated before waiting for me to look up at him, “Whenever you feel the urge to cut, come to one of us. All you have to do is tell us that you’re feeling this way. We’ll sit with you. If you wanna talk about why you’re suddenly feeling the urge to cut yourself we’ll happily listen. If you just wanna sit there and cry, we’ll hold you while you do. If you simply need someone to just sit there in silence with you then that’s what we’ll do. OK? Can you promise us that?”

I sat there and thought about what he had said. Could I do that?

“It doesn’t matter what time of day or night it is. Even if you have to wake one of us up, do it! I promise you, it won’t make us mad! Your well-being is our top priority. You can even go to Jake if we’re all doing interviews or something.” Barry added in

I swallowed hard. There was no one on the planet who wouldn’t be mad at being woken up for some lame chick’s emotional issues. Zach moved to kneel in front of me. He took both my hands in his and I noticed there were tears in his eyes.

“I understand it’s a huge thing to promise and that you probably feel like your problems and pain and all aren’t worth coming to us with. Like Barry said, your well-being, physical, mental, and emotional, is our top priority. All we want to do is help you in any way that we can and that you’ll allow us to.” Brent said, giving me a soft, warm smile

I finally nodded my head that I’d come to them when I felt like hurting myself. It was odd to hear a collective sigh of relief. Like they were all truly worried about me and were happy I’d agreed to come to them with my petty issues. Barry urged me to drink my Gatorade. I drank as much as I could before the tiredness hit me again. There was school work I needed to do but suddenly I felt as if I couldn’t keep my eyes open. Seeing the state I was in, Zach stood up and helped me walk to the bunk area. He even got my bag out so I could find my pajamas.

He gave me a hug as he reassured me that they all liked me, were worried about me, and wanted to understand and help me. I quietly thanked him and said I was going to change into my jammies and lay down. He hoped I’d go to their show tonight but honestly I felt so drained all I wanted to do was sleep. After I changed clothes I went to the bathroom to empty my bladder since I didn’t honestly know when I’d wake up again. When I made it back to the bunk area, I found the cocky pillow pet that Eric travelled with sitting on my bed. It got there somehow. As I crawled into my bed, I cuddled with the pillow pet that smelled so much like Eric!


	16. Explanations

****BARRY’S POV****

 

“Abrielle, we simply want to understand what you’re feeling and what you’re going through. You have to be honest with us for that to happen, OK?” I softly stated

“It… it’s my way of dealing with deep distress and emotional pain.” She finally stated, looking down, “Like I said before, I have bad coping skills.”

Deep distress and emotional pain? Well we knew she was having emotional pain. I guess hearing it out of her own mouth just makes it real for us. That’s our issue to deal with.

“This is a good start. What else can you tell us about it?” I asked

She sighed obviously hating having to have this conversation. I just hoped she would actually open up to us!

“Sometimes it’s a way to have control over my body when I can’t control anything else in my life.” She shamefully explained

A way to have control when she can’t control anything else in her life? Why was she feeling like she didn’t have control? There was much more to what she was going through than just what she was telling us.

“Abrielle, I want you to do something for me.” Zach stated before waiting for her to look up at him, “Whenever you feel the urge to cut, come to one of us. All you have to do is tell us that you’re feeling this way. We’ll sit with you. If you wanna talk about why you’re suddenly feeling the urge to cut yourself we’ll happily listen. If you just wanna sit there and cry, we’ll hold you while you do. If you simply need someone to just sit there in silence with you then that’s what we’ll do. OK? Can you promise us that?”

We watched in silence as she sat there and thought about what he had said. Could she do that? Would she do that? Could we trust her to do that?

“It doesn’t matter what time of day or night it is. Even if you have to wake one of us up, do it! I promise you, it won’t make us mad! Your well-being is our top priority. You can even go to Jake if we’re all doing interviews or something.” I added in, hoping to make her understand that we weren’t judging her and that we only wanted to help her

She swallowed hard. I was worried that she wouldn’t come to us when she felt this way. I was worried she didn’t believe us when we told her we weren’t judgmental. More than anything, I was worried that she would continue to harm herself. At least with Brent I could see a physical change in him when he was all fucked up. Zach moved to kneel in front of her. He took both her hands in his and, knowing Zach, knew there were tears in his eyes.

“I understand it’s a huge thing to promise and that you probably feel like your problems and pain and all aren’t worth coming to us with. Like Barry said, your well-being, physical, mental, and emotional, is our top priority. All we want to do is help you in any way that we can and that you’ll allow us to.” Brent said, giving her a soft, warm smile

She finally nodded her head that she’d come to them when she felt like hurting herself. All four of us let out a collective sigh of relief. We were all truly worried about her and were extremely happy that she had agreed to come to us when she felt the urge to harm herself. I urged her to drink her Gatorade. We watched as she drank as much as she could before the tiredness hit her again. Seeing the state she was in, Zach stood up and helped her walk to the bunk area. He even got her bag out so she could find my pajamas.

After she changed clothes she went to the bathroom. Eric made his way to his bunk to put his phone on the charger. He went to the back, from what I heard, and I watched as she left the bathroom and crawl into her bunk. I slowly made my way to the back after Brent and Zach sat together whispering to one another. Stopping by her bunk, I found her cuddled with the pillow pet that belonged to Eric! Making my way to where he sat with his laptop trying, and failing, to get some work done, I sat down and just stared at him.

“She’s cuddling with your pillow pet like it’s a life raft.” I quietly stated

“I thought it might be comforting to her.” He replied, not bothering to look over at me

I could only smile. He said he was a really laid back kind of person but he and Brent were both pretty emotional people. Letting her have his pet was his way of trying to help her. 

“You think she’ll really come to us when she feels the urge to hurt herself?” I questioned

He shrugged trying to be indifferent, “I don’t know. She said she would so for now I guess we have to take her at her word.”

His so-called indifferent attitude was just a facade. Eric was the one who had taken her to the ER. He was the one who lied for her. He was the one she had been released into the custody of. As I watched Eric, I noticed a few things. The poor guy was stressed. Really stressed. I wasn’t sure it had anything to do with the band, either. He was distracted. As long as he’d been sitting here since I came in, he hadn’t done a single thing. He was just sitting there staring at the screen before him.

“You ok?” I asked

He sighed, “She cuts to deal with deep distress & emotional pain. She feels that she has no control over anything else in her life.”

I remained quiet knowing that he wasn’t done venting. Zach and Brent slipped into the room and shut the door.

“How bad has her home life been to create this feeling in her?!” Eric angrily stated taking our band mates by surprise, “What kind of home life does she have that she feels the only control she truly has is to harm herself?! What the fuck is her parents doing?! Why aren’t they helping her?”

“Eric, calm down man. You’re getting loud and you’re going to wake her.” I stated calmly

He sighed again and plopped back down in his chair. In his ranting, he wound up standing up and pacing as much as he could in the crowded room. 

“Maybe we should have Jake do some research on her. See what he can dig up about her.” Zach offered

“That’s a great idea! Obviously she’s not going to tell us everything.” Brent stated

I whipped my phone out and started texting Jake. He had a lot on his plate with being the tour manager but I knew he could get us anything we ever needed or wanted. Jake replied that he’d do the best he could in getting information about her for us. I relayed the message to the guys who all just nodded. Zach frowned but remained silent. 

“So, I couldn’t help but notice she has your pet pillow.” Brent threw out there

My chuckles seemed to confuse him and Zach.

“Uh, I set it on her bunk when she went to the bathroom. I figured it might be comforting to her.” Eric explained

“That was a nice thought, Eric.” Brent stated, “It seems to be working.”

“What do you mean?” Eric asked, confused

“She was holding that thing incredibly close to her when I went by.” Brent explained

All I could do was smile. It was a good sign. We all split off and fell into our own thoughts. Or tried to work in Eric’s case. I slipped into my bunk to call my wife.


	17. Chapter 17

 

****ABRIELLE’S POV****

 

It had been about two weeks since I woke up two days after Brent caught me bleeding nearly to death. It surprised me that they left me alone. Every day they told me how much they liked having me around or how awesome they thought I was. It was always something very positive and up-lifting. Eric hadn’t asked for his pillow pet back yet so I just cuddled with it when I slept. It smelled like him and I found that I really, really liked that smell!

One night while I was checking my school email and seeing what our next project was, I decided to hop over to Facebook. I religiously did my online discussion posts and tried to be constructive. Our University had its own Facebook group so I tried to be constructive and helpful there too. All that got me was online bullying. The things people were saying to and about me were so mean and cruel! So much so that I started wanting to cut myself. It was the first time since my “accident” that I’d hurt so much to feel this way.

It was pretty late at night but they did say to come to them any time I felt this way. They did tell me it didn’t matter what time night or day. There were tears in my eyes so climbed out of my bunk. Soft snores could be heard and I hated waking someone up just to talk about my petty problems. Surely they’d be mad at me for waking them up this late. Especially since they had played a very intense show just a few hours before.

“Why are you just standing there looking lost?” I heard Brent quietly stated

“I, uh…… you guys said to come to you….” I stuttered out

He got the message and quickly slipped out of his bunk. With a sleepy smile, he asked me to join him in the back lounge. I swallowed the lump in my throat and did as he asked. We got settled after he shut the door to the lounge.

“What’s going on, beautiful?” He asked

I hated knowing I’d woken him up. Why I wanted to talk suddenly seemed very stupid. I guess he read my mind.

“Whatever you want to talk about is not stupid. What you’re feeling is valid. We’re all here to help you no matter what you need.” He told me

“Um, I was checking my school email to see what my next project is supposed to be. We have to participate in class discussions a minimum number of times. I was doing that when some of my classmates got mean.” I tried to explain

“Got mean? Can you explain that?” He asked, “What are you feeling right now?”

“They, uh, started sort of…I don’t know how to explain it…. Started bullying me. Calling me names, that sort of thing.” I stated, looking down

“So your classmates are bullying you online? How does that make you feel?” He asked me, voice still so soft and calm and now concerned

I was having a hard time keeping the tears at bay. Seeing me in tears, he pulled me into his side and draped his arm around my shoulder. We just sat there until I was able to put a voice to my thoughts.

“It hurts my feelings. It makes me think they might be right when they say I’m stupid and worthless. Fat, ugly, and forgettable.” I shamefully answered

“Sweetheart, you are none of those things. You have a lot to give to the world so you are not worthless. You’ve shown us some of your school projects and they were incredible so you’re obviously not stupid. I don’t know what they’re comparing you too when they say you’re fat. You are a very unique individual so you are neither ugly nor forgettable. OK?” He stated, taking my left hand and giving it a light squeeze

“I guess.” I muttered

“Is that why you cut yourself? Because of the online bullying?” He asked me after a minute or two of silence

“Partly. But I don’t want to talk about that right now.” I stated, a few rogue tears sliding down my cheeks

“Does anything ever help make you feel better? When your classmates do this stuff?” He inquired

“Listening to _”Unity”_ and _“Bully”_ do sometimes.” I confessed, sniffling

“Why those two songs?” He asked with a smile, giving me a light squeeze

“Um, well, when I heard _”Unity”_ for the first time it made me feel like someone out there cared about me even if they’d never met me. It made me feel like I wasn’t alone. When _“Bully”_ came out I cried. I literally cried. It gave voice to my feelings.” I explained

He smiled at me, “I’m glad to hear it. Are you feeling any better?” 

“I don’t know. I usually cut and that eases the feelings temporarily.” I answered

“So what is your next project supposed to be?” He asked

“I have to make a music video for a song that wasn’t released as a single. It can be live-action or animation or combination of both and the song has to be off an actual album. I’m debating on doing it as a combo of live-action and animation.” I stated

“Hmm, what song are you thinking of doing? Do you have any ideas for the video yet?” He asked

“Well, I was thinking of maybe doing _’Breaking Inside’_. The assignment was just posted and I haven’t had any time to think about what to do for it yet.” I shrugged

“If you need a sounding board for ideas, I’m here!” He chuckled, “I don’t know about you but I’m pretty sleepy. Think you can get some sleep now?”

His warm smile made me smile back. I nodded at him before he stood up. He gently pulled me up to my feet and gave me a tight hug. We quietly walked back to the bunks. He climbed into his bunk while I saved all my work and shut down my laptop. After standing up from putting my laptop in its bag, I bumped into someone.

“I’m so sorry!” I whispered

“It’s alright, beautiful!” Eric replied, “Why are you still up at this ungodly hour?” He asked moving closer to me

“I…uh…. was up talking with Brent.” I replied, looking down

“Oh? Is everything alright?” He whispered, moving some stray hair out of my face

He noticed the tear tracks and pulled me into a hug.

“Are you ok? You’ve been crying.” He stated

“I’m ok now. Maybe I’ll tell you about it tomorrow?” I offered

He smiled at me, “I’m always here if you need someone to talk to. Are you sleeping alright?” 

“I’m sleeping pretty good.” I smiled back, “The, uh, day is starting to get to me now though.”

“Well I’ll leave you alone to get some sleep. Good night, Abrielle.” He stated before kissing my forehead

I slipped into my bunk, got settled under the covers, and snuggled with his pillow pet. To my surprise it didn’t take me long to drift off to sleep.


	18. Bumping into one another

****ERIC’S POV****

 

After standing up from putting her laptop in its bag, she bumped into me.

“I’m so sorry!” She whispered

She was so cute!

“It’s alright, beautiful!” I replied, “Why are you still up at this ungodly hour?” I asked moving closer to her

I had to make sure, physically, she was ok. My instincts to protect her were only growing since her “accident”. 

“I…uh…. was up talking with Brent.” She replied, looking down

“Oh? Is everything alright?” I whispered, moving some stray hair out of her face

Suddenly I noticed the tear tracks and pulled her into a hug.

“Are you ok? You’ve been crying.” I stated

“I’m ok now. Maybe I’ll tell you about it tomorrow?” She offered

I smiled at her, “I’m always here if you need someone to talk to. Are you sleeping alright?” 

“I’m sleeping pretty good.” She smiled back, “The, uh, day is starting to get to me now though.”

“Well I’ll leave you alone to get some sleep. Good night, Abrielle.” I stated before kissing her forehead

I slipped into my bunk, got settled under the covers, and snuggled with one of my pillows. Unfortunately it took me a long time to drift off to sleep. It didn’t bother me that she had been talking to Brent. It concerned me that she was talking to him in the middle of the night because that meant she had been feeling the urge to harm herself. I tossed and turned and hoped my movement wasn’t bothering her. The smell of bacon roused me from the slumber I had finally drifted off in.

Barry was awake and making scrambled eggs and bacon to go along with the French Toast he’d already made. I smiled at the drummer as I passed him to make myself a cup of black liquid gold, also known as coffee. I plopped my skinny butt down at the “kitchen table” to await breakfast. Abrielle sleepily stumbled her way to the front. I watched as she plopped down on the right couch. Her tank top raised giving me a shot of her lower belly. She was so small and petite! I wanted to run my hand over her stomach, to feel how soft her skin was.

Brent sleepily made his way out to the Keurig machine to make himself a cup of coffee. Barry said that breakfast was ready as he slid four plates onto the table. Barry sat down next to me leaving the only space next to Brent. The vocalist got up to snag his phone. She cautiously stood up and made her way to where we were sitting. She scooted his coffee mug over and switched their plates. Barry chuckled as she poured syrup over her French Toast. Brent finally returned and cocked his eyebrow at her.

“So, do you have any ideas for your next project yet?” He asked her

Apparently that was part of their conversation last night.

“Uh, kinda but nothing that’s really good.” She replied with a shrug

“What project?” Barry asked

I moved my right left foot and it probably seemed like I was trying to play footsies with her or something. She darted her eyes towards me and I mouthed ‘sorry’. She smiled before answering the drummer

“I have to make a music video for a song that wasn’t released as a single. It can be live-action, animation, or combo. It has to be off an actual album, too.” She explained

“What song did you chose?” I asked

“Breaking Inside.” She replied

“Hmm interesting. Why did you choose that song?” Barry asked

“I can relate to it.” She simply said

The three of us just looked at one another. Whenever she let things like that slip it just broke my heart!

“Well if you need any help with it let us know.” Barry smiled at her

I couldn’t wait to see this project when she was done! 

“I will. I gotta figure what I’m going to do first.” She chuckled nervously

After breakfast everyone sort of split off to do their own thing. She was in the back working on her schoolwork. Brent was Skyping with Lyric because the boy was home sick from school. Barry was planning the next few days’ meals and Zach was stretched out on the right side couch watching a movie. I opted to head to the back and lay down some ideas that had been floating around in my head. She was stretched out with her laptop on her lap and headphones on.


	19. Costume Night Out?!

****ABRIELLE’S POV****

After breakfast everyone sort of split off to do their own thing. I headed to the back so I could work on my schoolwork. I was stretched out with my laptop on my lap and headphones on. Eric entered the room and shut the door. I acted like I either didn’t notice or didn’t care. He sat down at his laptop to record some music and do whatever he did as a producer. I was checking in with my instructors and doing my weekly discussion posts.

I didn’t understand why my fellow college students were so mean to me. I tried very hard to remember what Brent had told me the night before. I was working on other school work while trying to gather ideas for my next project. I had the song on repeat hoping that hearing it would bring me the inspiration that I needed. Opening up a new browser, I decided to search for the meaning of the song and see where that got me. Other people apparently thought it was about a person who is struggling with life and wants to put it in the past and live his life in peace. 

That sounded exactly like me. I was definitely struggling with life. There was nothing more I wanted than to put my life in the past and live in peace! Well, this was a start at least! As I was participating in my class discussions, my headphones were ripped off my head. I quickly looked up and found Eric standing there grinning at me. I unhooked the headphones from my laptop and moved so that he could sit down too. 

“You looked like you about to cry.” He softly stated, “Is everything ok?”

I shrugged silently.

“Sweetheart, you can tell me anything. You know that, right?” He asked

“I know.” I quietly replied, “Some of my classmates are being mean. I’m fine, though, really.”

“You looked like you were about to cry. That doesn’t seem fine to me. What are they saying to you?” He asked

“We have to participate in class discussions, right? I’m trying to be useful, to be productive, ya know?” I tried to explain, “They’re just…. They’re being hateful in their replies. Calling me names and calling my ideas stupid and stuff.”

“Oh sweetheart, that’s not right.” He stated, slipping his arm around my shoulder

“This is what I was talking to Brent about last night. They were being very mean and nasty last night too.” I shrugged

“Why are they doing that to you?” He inquired

I sighed. This is exactly why I didn’t want to open up to them. I knew they would want to know all about this shit.

“These people have always been mean to me. I’m not sure if it’s because I look like this….” I said, flipping my hair, “… or if my academic record makes me one of the top students on campus.”

“Sounds like these people are just extremely jealous.” Eric retorted

“There’s nothing to be jealous of. I’m nothing special and there are several students who are much better than me.” I stated, looking away from him

“You wear your uniqueness like a shield. Anyone who looks at you, knows you’re different. Unfortunately most people in ‘normal society’ don’t appreciate or handle ‘different’ well. Whether or not there are other students who are more talented than you, you are still at the top. 

People who don’t have that talent, or drive, to make it to the top themselves will do whatever they can to sabotage those who do. You’re special and they all see it. They’re afraid of what will happen if you realize it too.” He stated

I was speechless. There was not a single word that came to mind to respond to him with. Apparently nothing else was needed to be said because he squeezed my shoulder then got up to get back to his own work. I continued to work on my school work and a paper that was due in about a week & a half.

****************************************************************

About two weeks later, the band and crew were getting three days off in a row. The first night they wanted to go out and having drinks, maybe play pool, and just have a good time. For some odd reason, they all thought it would be a great idea to go out in costume. Not like they were trying to hide their identities. They wanted to go out like we were coming from an honest costume party! I sighed knowing this wasn’t going to end well for me. Either I’d find something ugly like a Nun’s costume or something super slutty. Either way, my fellow students were going to have a field day.

As I shopped for a costume, I discovered I was right about the costume issue. The only ones I found were really ugly or slutty. Sighing, I found one that was the least slutty and walked up to the counter. I had to get some fishnet stockings to go with it but otherwise everything else was there including the thigh-high boots. We were going to eat at the bar, from what Zach told me, so we were meeting at the around 8 or so. I showered and shaved before slipping into my costume. I sighed as I looked at myself in the mirror. Oh the things my father would say if he saw what I looked like right now. He’d probably beat the crap out of me and lock me in the hall closet. 

The band had already left for the bar by the time I was ready. Thankfully the bar was only about two blocks from the hotel and it was a straight walk to it. I texted Zach to let him know I was on the way. He promised me there was a seat saved for me at their table. I was walking along, my head down, and minding my own business. Somehow Shawn and Michael had caught up to me on the way to this bar.

“Hey Michael, I didn’t know prostitutes worked this part of town!” Shawn exclaimed, laughing loudly

“Nah man. She ain’t no prostitute.” Michael stated making me think he was going to stick up for me, “Nobody would pay for that nasty slut!”

I sighed but kept my mouth shut. There was no point in giving them anything they could use against me.

“Ah, what’s the matter little skank? Nothing to say for yourself?” Shawn taunted

I didn’t even acknowledge their presence as I quickened my pace just a little. 

“How many of the band have you fucked already?” Michael asked

“We all know you have. Why else would you have moved onto the band’s bus?” Shawn exclaimed

“The only reason is to make it easier to be a little home-wrecking whore!” Michael added, “She’s probably way behind in her projects from all the dick sucking she’s doing!”

There were tears threatening to fall but I was willing them the best I could to go away.

“Maybe we should call Jonas and tell him what a slut his sister is being.” Shawn threatened

Oh God no! 

“Nah, no need to tell him what he already knows. Just let her give one of the band an STD and they’ll throw her out like the trash she really is.” Michael laughed

We’d made it to the bar so I quickly entered the building and headed straight to the bathroom. I locked myself in the handicap stall and cried. I knew coming out like this was a bad idea! My phone dinged with a new message. With a shaky hand, I took it out of my purse to see who would be texting me.

_”Are you ok? Where are you? We’re worried!”_ —Zach

I just sighed heavily as more tears flowed. Another twenty minutes went by and my crying had slowed down. There was a desperate need to fix my make-up before I showed myself to the band. It took me another ten or so minutes before I was calm enough to re-do my make-up. Once that was done and I didn’t look like I’d spent half an hour crying, I checked myself out in the mirror to make sure I still looked ‘ok’. Still slutty but nothing was popping out. 

Our [costumes](http://i39.photobucket.com/albums/e194/littletexasangel/Clothes/Costumes/Costume%20collage_zpsycet1sjn.jpg) (Eric—Viking Warrior; Barry—the Pirate; Zach—the Leprechaun; Brent—the Indian) seemed silly except half the bar was dressed up like us. It was their road crew and management which made things a little less awkward. Shawn and Michael had refused to dress up and I was starting to think they might have had the right idea. I cautiously walked around trying to find where the band was sitting at. The odd stares and whistles were starting to make me uncomfortable. As I approached the table where the only dreadlocked man I knew was sitting at, I caught Eric’s eyes. His jaw had practically hit the floor and I quickly looked away. 

“We were so worried about you that we were about to send out a search party for you!” Zach stated as he slid out of the booth to pull me into a tight hug, “What happened?”

“Damn, Abrielle! You look amazing!” Brent grinned at me

Jake was sitting with the band and gave me an odd look. 

“What’s your poison, beautiful?” Barry asked as he waved over the waitress

“Dr. Pepper for dinner.” I stated, “I, uh, forgot something at the hotel and had to go back. Got caught up talking with some old lady as I was walking back through the lobby.” 

Yeah, the looks they gave me said they didn’t buy the story. None of them called me out on it so I didn’t say any more about it. Barry ordered my Dr. Pepper as I looked over the menu. Bacon cheeseburger and fries sounded great so that’s what I ordered. Apparently the guys were waiting for me to arrive before ordering. When our waitress came by to deliver my Dr. Pepper, we gave our food orders. I still felt slutty and refused to look anyone in the eyes. Brent started talking about what to do with our few days off. Barry and Zach got in the discussion with attractions in the city we were in while poor Jake was answering text messages. 

I glanced up to see Eric just staring at me. Quickly looking away, I decided to take a drink of my Pepper. The tall bassist was sitting on my right and Zach was on my left. All I really wanted was to slink away to my hotel room and hide from everyone. I remained quiet as they chatted. Thankfully about twenty minutes later our dinner arrived. Glancing up at everyone every now and then, I noticed Jake keeping a close eye on me. Why was that? Had I done something wrong? Eric handed me the ketchup bottle so I squirted some onto my plate before passing it off to Zach.


	20. Over hearing the conversation

****JAKE’S POV****

I was walking along with Sparky, Bear, and one of our lighting guys Chris. Somehow Shawn and Michael had caught up to me on the way to this bar. We were getting a very rare three days off in a row. The first night we all just wanted to go out and having drinks, maybe play pool, and just have a good time. Brent and the guys all thought it would be a great idea to go out in costume. Something silly and fun just to be goofy. They were even planning a little contest for the best costume.

The four of us were just a little ways behind Shawn and Michael as they caught up to the female student Abrielle. I was very concerned about her especially after the “accident” on the student bus. Brent and Barry had confessed their worry about her and asked me to dig for more information on her. My contacts hadn’t gotten back to me yet but promised they were working hard on finding out everything they could about her.

“Hey Michael, I didn’t know prostitutes worked this part of town!” Shawn exclaimed, laughing loudly

Were they doing what I thought they were? I looked at my three companions and made the ‘shush’ motion. This was a conversation that I wanted to hear.

“Nah man. She ain’t no prostitute.” Michael stated, “Nobody would pay for that nasty slut!”

I had to give the girl props for keeping her mouth shut. I would have laid into their asses for talking to me that way!

“Ah, what’s the matter little skank? Nothing to say for yourself?” Shawn taunted her

Was that little jerk off actually taunting her?! Now I was starting to get angry! She didn’t even acknowledge their presence as she quickened her pace just a little. 

“How many of the band have you fucked already?” Michael asked

Oh fuck no! Everyone in the crew knew the band weren’t like that. They didn’t sleep around on their wives/girlfriends. 

“We all know you have. Why else would you have moved onto the band’s bus?” Shawn exclaimed

What the band decides is their business. Who is this little punk to spew these lies and hate?!

“The only reason is to make it easier to be a little home-wrecking whore!” Michael added, “She’s probably way behind in her projects from all the dick sucking she’s doing!”

I had a very hard time controlling the urge to run up and start beating the living hell out of these two punk asses! She was probably in tears already from the mean and hurtful things they were spewing at her. No wonder Zach and the band had really gotten so protective of her!

“Maybe we should call Jonas and tell him what a slut his sister is being.” Shawn threatened

Jonas? Hmm. I’ll have to call my contact and see what they could find out about this kid too. 

“Nah, no need to tell him what he already knows. Just let her give one of the band an STD and they’ll throw her out like the trash she really is.” Michael laughed

We’d made it to the bar and I watched as she quickly entered the building and headed straight to the bathroom. Chris mumbled something about kids who needed to learn respect and manners. They headed to where some of the other crew were sitting while I walked around until I found where the band was sitting. 

“What’s wrong, Jake? You looked pissed!” Barry stated as I plopped down

“Shawn and Michael. I just…. That girl…..” I stated so angry I couldn’t even put words together

“Take a deep breath. Get your thoughts together, man.” Brent said, clearly concerned about why I was so flustered

“So Bear, Sparky, Chris, and I were heading over here. We wound walking behind those two who had caught up to Abrielle. The shit they told her…. All I can say is keep the two of them away from me or I will put them in the fucking hospital.” I growled out

“Where is she?” Barry asked

“She headed straight to the bathroom. I’m sure she’s crying.” I replied, “They were calling her a whore, slut, skank, told her they were sure she had fucked all of you by now and that’s why she’s now on your bus. They threatened to call someone named Jonas and tell them what a slut his sister was being.”

“Oh my God! Why would they say such nasty things?” Zach exclaimed, clearly shocked

“I don’t know. It was hard to hear and they weren't even talking to me. Hell they said they knew she’d give you some STD and then you’d kick her out like the trash she is. It’s……. it’s infuriating.” I stated as the waitress brought me a beer

“Can you imagine if she heard that shit all the time back on their campus?” Brent sadly stated

“Is the type of shit she heard on a daily basis? Is this the type of shit people tell her in her online discussions?” Eric asked, getting upset

Zach sent her a text asking where she was. I told them to just go along with whatever excuse she made and not act like they knew anything. They all nodded as we continued to chat about Abrielle and what all she was going through. It was 45 minutes before she finally emerged from the bathroom. She cautiously walked around to find where we were sitting at. The odd stares and whistles were clearly making her uncomfortable. As she approached the table, she caught Eric’s eyes. 

His jaw had practically hit the floor and she quickly looked away. I could only chuckle at his expression. Not that I really blamed him! My eyes swept her body and I had to admit she was gorgeous.

“We were so worried about you that we were about to send out a search party for you!” Zach stated as he slid out of the booth to pull her into a tight hug, “What happened?”

“Damn, Abrielle! You look amazing!” Brent grinned at her

I was sitting there and gave her a look of sympathy and understanding. 

“What’s your poison, beautiful?” Barry asked as he waved over the waitress

“Dr. Pepper for dinner.” She stated, “I, uh, forgot something at the hotel and had to go back. Got caught up talking with some old lady as I was walking back through the lobby.” 

Yeah, none of them bought the story. Barry ordered her Dr. Pepper as she looked over the menu. She ordered a Bacon cheeseburger and fries and that sounded great so that’s what I ordered too. The guys were waiting for her to arrive before ordering. When our waitress came by to deliver her Dr. Pepper, we gave our food orders. She obviously felt slutty & out of place because she refused to look anyone in the eyes. Brent started talking about what to do with our few days off. Barry and Zach got in the discussion with attractions in the city we were in while I had to answer some text messages. 

She glanced up to see Eric just staring at her. The tall bassist was sitting on her right and Zach was on her left. Brent was on Eric’s right, Barry was on his right, and I was at the end on Barry’s right. She remained quiet as we chatted. About twenty minutes later our dinner arrived. Eric handed her the ketchup bottle so she squirted some onto her plate before passing it off to Zach. When he was done, I took it. Eric couldn’t quit staring at her. She was obviously uncomfortable around us and I was sure it was because of all the bullying that she had been through.

****ERIC’S POV****

It made us all angry at what Jake had told us. When she emerged from the bathroom and made her way to our table I thought I was going to have a heart attack. The little Joker costume she had on gave me a hard on. Hopefully I won’t have to get out of this booth any time soon! She gave us some lame excuse about needing to go back to the hotel and getting caught up with talking to some older lady. It made me sad to know she felt the need to lie to us about what happened but none of us were going to call her out on it.

All through dinner, I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. I tried, I really did, but holy fuck she was stunning. She didn’t say much and it really bothered me. Everything we had tried to do since her accident was unraveling. All we wanted was to make her feel good about herself, to help her understand that she was a wonderful person who had a lot to give to the world. And these ass hats were tearing her down again! Jake asked Brent if he wanted to go play some pool. Barry and Zach went to go play darts. It was just Abrielle and I sitting in the booth. 

Someone had played a slow song on the jukebox so I asked her if she wanted to dance. She blushed and shook her head no. I scooted all around the booth then held out my hand for her. She looked away but I wasn’t moving. A minute or so later, she cautiously reached out and took my hand. I led her out onto what could loosely be called the dance floor. I took her right hand in my left and slid my right arm protectively around her waist. Pulling her closer to me, I didn’t quite give a shit what people thought of us. 

“You look incredible.” I quietly told her in her ear

She blushed and mumbled something that sounded like ‘no I’m not’. 

“You don’t see how the men in this bar are staring at you.” I told her as I looked around

“You’re just being nice.” She retorted with the saddest voice I think I’ve ever heard

“Sweetheart, look around this bar. These people are staring at **YOU**. They are ogling **YOU**. Abrielle you are simply stunning. I wish you could see what we see in you.” I said trying to express to her just how beautiful she really is

The song ended and she bolted back to our table. Or she tried to. There was some creepy guy who stopped her. She looked incredibly uncomfortable so I quickly made my way over to her. Walking up behind her, I slid my right arm around her waist and pulled her back into me.

“Baby, what’s wrong? I thought we were gonna dance!” I stated before kissing her cheek

“Oh, I needed to get something to drink.” She stated, thankfully going along with the charade 

“Who’s this?” This creep asked

“I’m Eric, her husband. It’s nice to meet you!” I stated, moving my arm so I could shake his hand

He just looked between my outstretched hand and back up to me. He winked at Abrielle before turning and walking away. With a grin, I navigated us back to our table. Thankfully no one was there yet.

“Thanks! He was… being kinda creepy.” She chuckled nervously

“As I said, you just don’t know how these people are looking at you!” I chuckled before taking a swig of my beer


	21. I don't have an answer for that

****ABRIELLE’S POV****

Someone had played a slow song on the jukebox so he asked me if I wanted to dance. I blushed and shook my head no. There was no way I was going to show my slutty self to this bar by being out on the dance floor! He scooted all around the booth then held out his hand for me to take. I looked away but he wasn’t moving. Damn stubborn man! A minute or so later, after realizing he wasn’t really giving me a choice, I cautiously reached out and took his hand. He led me out onto what could loosely be called the dance floor. He took my right hand in his left and slid his right arm protectively around my waist. Pulling me closer to him, I got nervous about what people thought of us.

“You look incredible.” He quietly told me in my ear

I blushed and mumbled ‘no I’m not’. He had to be blind! 

“You don’t see how the men in this bar are staring at you.” He told me as he looked around

“You’re just being nice.” I retorted

“Sweetheart, look around this bar. These people are staring at **YOU**. They are ogling **YOU**. Abrielle you are simply stunning. I wish you could see what we see in you.” He said 

The song ended and I took the opportunity to bolt back to our table. Or I tried to. There was some creepy guy who stopped me. He was hitting on me but it seemed kind of pervy like. I was definitely uncomfortable with this man! I was thankful that Eric quickly made his way over to me. Walking up behind me, he slid his right arm around my waist and pulled me back into him aggressively.

“Baby, what’s wrong? I thought we were gonna dance!” Eric stated before kissing my cheek

I think he just set my skin on fire! Unfortunately, I’d gotten really good at coming with lies on the spot. 

“Oh, I needed to get something to drink.” I stated, going along with the charade 

“Who’s this?” This creep asked

“I’m Eric, her husband. It’s nice to meet you!” He stated, moving his arm so he could shake the guy’s hand

Did Eric just pose as my husband?! Why not my boyfriend? We’re not wearing wedding rings. He just looked between Eric’s outstretched hand and back up to Eric. The creep winked at me before turning and walking away. With a sigh, I let Eric navigated us back to our table. Thankfully no one was there yet.

“Thanks! He was… being kinda creepy.” I chuckled nervously

“As I said, you just don’t know how these people are looking at you!” He chuckled before taking a swig of his beer

“Well, thanks for helping me with that guy.” I quietly stated

“It’s what friends are for, Darlin’!” Eric grinned at me

They slipped into silence as he kept a close eye on her and their surroundings. Brent returned to the table wanting to quench his thirst. Sweet Tea was his drink of choice. The vocalist asked if I played pool. Shaking my head no, he just nodded at me. We chatted for a while about pool and darts before one of their road crew guys, Chris, came up and challenged him to a game of pool. Eric and I were left alone once again.

****BARRY’S POV****

I ordered her Dr. Pepper as she looked over the menu. She ordered a Bacon cheeseburger and fries and apparently that sounded great so that’s what Eric ordered too. We had decided to wait for her to arrive before ordering. When our waitress came by to deliver her Dr. Pepper, we gave our food orders. She obviously felt slutty & out of place because she refused to look anyone in the eyes. Brent started talking about what to do with our few days off. Even Zach and I got in the discussion with attractions in the city we were in while Jake had to answer some text messages.

She glanced up to see Eric just staring at her. The tall bassist was sitting on her right and Zach was on her left. Brent was on Eric’s right, I was on Brent’s right, and Jake was at the end on my right. She remained quiet as we chatted. About twenty minutes later our dinner arrived. Eric handed her the ketchup bottle so she squirted some onto her plate before passing it off to Zach. When he was done, Jake took it. Eric couldn’t quit staring at her. She was obviously uncomfortable around us and I was sure it was because of all the bullying that she had been through.

Jake asked Brent if he wanted to go play some pool. Zach and I went to go play darts. It was just Abrielle and Eric sitting in the booth. I couldn’t help but keep an eye on them. It was more to gauge her reactions to him and how she responded to the bassist. We were all livid at what Jake had told us and there was nothing more we wanted to do than show her, her true worth and beauty. I think Eric had started falling for her before the “accident”. After that, his natural protective instincts kicked into high gear. Even Zach was feeling something for her but I don’t think any of that was romantic.

There was a slow song that had been played. I watched as he scooted all around the booth then held out his hand for her to take. A minute or so later, after realizing he wasn’t really giving her a choice, she cautiously reached out and took his hand. He led her out onto what could loosely be called the dance floor. He took her right hand in his left and slid his right arm protectively around her waist. Pulling her closer to him, I couldn’t help but watch her body language. The act certainly made her nervous but she wasn’t fighting him or trying to wiggle out of his grasp.

The song ended and I watched as she took the opportunity to bolt back to our table. Or I tried to. There was some creepy guy who stopped her. He had been watching her since she walked through the bar looking for our table. I wondered how this was going to go down! He was obviously hitting on her but she definitely wasn’t into it. She was definitely uncomfortable with this man! I watched as Eric quickly made his way over to her. The look on his face said he was about to punch this guy in the face! Walking up behind her, he slid his right arm around her waist and pulled her back into him aggressively. Eric was never aggressive like this.

Eric leaned around and kissed her cheek. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear a look of relief washed over her! Eric suddenly held his hand out like he was introducing himself to this little pervert. The guy just looked between Eric’s outstretched hand and back up to Eric. With a grin, Eric navigated them back to our table. I watched as they sat there together talking quietly for a few minutes. Zach got my attention again since it was my turn again. I took my turn before sipping on my beer. Jake was laughing with some of our crew and seemed to either be blatantly ignoring the two male students or trying to keep a close eye on them. 

“What should we do? About the two male students?” Zach asked me

“I don’t know. We have to be diplomatic about things. We have to be fair. If she doesn’t complain about what they’re doing and if we don’t see, what can we do?” I retorted with a sigh

“How can we sit back and just let that shit happen?” Zach angrily stated

“I don’t have an answer for that.” I shrugged

“We can’t let this go on! We have to do something!” Zach hissed

“Calm down, Zach. Something will happen and we’ll catch it and then we’ll have enough to boot them off the tour.” I stated

What I didn’t know was how soon that was actually going to occur! The night went on and we eventually all made it back to the table. Eric explained he had a massive plate of nachos coming. Zach grinned at him. Another slow song came on and Brent was quick to ask her to dance. She was reluctant but didn’t fight him as hard as she did Eric. Did that mean she had feelings for Eric or she just didn’t want to fight Brent with all of us sitting there? We all watched as they began slow dancing. Eric sighed heavily making me cock my eyebrow at him. She was still uncomfortable and I wasn’t sure if it was the costume or us. Hopefully one day she’ll have the confidence and self-esteem she really deserves.


	22. Into the Void

 

****ABRIELLE’S POV****   


Brent wanted to dance and, just like with Eric, I was very reluctant. I didn’t fight as hard with Brent. Not with the whole band and Jake sitting there. Brent was a very pleasant person, as they all were really, and did his best to make me feel wanted and beautiful. The gesture wasn’t lost on me even if I didn’t really believe him. After a while I was getting tired. After telling the band and Jake that I was heading back to the hotel and thanking them for a wonderful evening, each one of them pulled me into a tight hug.

I was walking, cautiously but quickly if that was possible, back to the hotel. It was my fault for assuming Michael and Shawn were still at the bar. There was a spot where you had to step down. It was a bit of a steep step. As I took my step, I suddenly felt myself being shoved. It all happened so fast I wasn’t sure why I did what I did or really how it happened. Somehow I turned as I fell. When I landed, I screamed out in pain. My right leg was burning and there was intense pain. I felt myself being yanked up by my hair. The pain was almost unbearable as it was. 

There was Shawn and Michael standing before me! Shawn shoved me back down on the ground where I scraped the hell out of the back of my left arm. Once again I screamed out in pain. They were spitting on me and Michael kicked me hard in the side of my right knee. That just set my leg on fire if that was even possible! I was crying by this point and trying to protect myself from their attacks. They pulled me up off the ground again making me really worry this time. Each one got a hold of me and before I knew what was happening, they literally threw me in front of a moving truck.

Everything suddenly went into slow-motion. I might have heard the sound of screeching tires but honestly I wasn’t sure. Feeling myself bouncing off the vehicle was a very odd sensation too! When I hit the ground I rolled for I don’t know how long before stopping. The wind had been knocked out of me. My whole body hurt. I wasn’t even sure I was able to cry. Suddenly I was pulled up off the ground. I screamed out in pain as I was pulled up.

“It’s OK, Abrielle. I’ve got you.” I heard Jake stated

“What..... are you...... doing..... here?” I stuttered as I was trying to keep myself from slipping into unconsciousness

“We decided to call it a night too. We came upon…… you.” Jake stated as he began quickly walking, “Let’s get you back to the hotel so I can check you out and see how bad your injuries are.”

Jake and I slipped into silence. I could faintly hear the rest of the guys behind us. Things were starting to go dark. Was this how I was going to leave the world? Unloved, even hated, and uncared for?

“Bill! Get the two boys off this tour. They just attacked Abrielle for no reason!” Brent angrily stated

I groaned in pain making Jake speed up his walking, if that was even possible. He assured me that I was going to be fine. I wasn’t so sure. As a matter of fact I was pretty sure I was going to die. I guess I’d passed out because when I opened my eyes again I was laying on a loveseat in the hotel lobby. The whole band were around me along with Jake, Bill, and some dude I didn’t recognize. 

“Sweetheart, there’s an ambulance coming for you. Barry’s going to go to the hospital with you.” Jake softly told me

“Shawn and Michael have been removed from the tour. I’ve also told the school we will not accept any more students with us.” Bill informed me

I tried to sit up but the pain started shooting through me.

“Easy there. Stay laying down.” Barry said, giving me a warm smile

****BARRY’S POV****

A few minutes after Abrielle left, we decided to head back to. It took us a little while to pay our tab. We all figured she’d made it back to the hotel. How wrong we were! We walked up on Shawn and Michael and they were harassing poor Abrielle. They pulled her up off the ground making most of us look on in utter shock! Each one got a hold of her and before any of us could stop them, they literally threw her in front of an oncoming truck.

Everything suddenly went into slow-motion. The sound of screeching tires could be heard as the truck came to a stop. I watched as she bounced off the vehicle and I was suddenly worried that I’d just watched her die. When she hit the ground she rolled for several feet. It would be a miracle if she was even still alive! I had to pull Eric away from the two college students to keep him from beating them to death! He was beyond pissed. His nostrils were flaring, his whole body was tense, and I swear I heard him growl again. It was quite frightening to see him like this, to be honest.

“Eric no!” I exclaimed, “These boys aren’t worth it!”

**“Let me go…..”** He growled at me as he thrashed around to get out of my grasp

“Eric! Listen to me…….Bill is taking care of them. We need to focus on Abrielle. She’s our priority. She’s our student and she needs us more than anything right now. You going to jail for beating the shit out of them isn’t going to do [b]her[/b] any good!” I explained to him

Eric settled down, or as settled as he was going to get being so pissed off, once my words sank in. Eric going to jail wasn’t going to do the band any favors either. Honestly I couldn’t let him tarnish his good reputation for such ass-hats as Michael and Shawn! Jake pulled her up off the ground making her scream out in pain. It hurt to hear her pained screams. I winced at the wretched, pained sound she made. Eric tensed up again as Brent called Bill. Zach was tearing into the two boys who looked like they were about to try and fight my guitarist. This night was not going to end well. 

“Bill! Get the two boys off this tour. They just attacked Abrielle for no reason!” Brent angrily stated

Jake sped up his walking so I ushered Eric along so we could catch up to him. I assured the bassist that she was going to be fine. Even if I wasn’t so sure. As a matter of fact I was pretty sure she was close to death. She had passed out before we arrived back at the hotel. I'm not sure if that was a good thing or not. One of the hotel staff immediately ran up to us since poor Abrielle was moaning out in pain and bleeding. I explained to them what happened and asked her to call us an ambulance. Jake gently laid her down on couch in the lobby.

He looked her over as best as he could. We all knew she really needed to be seen at the hospital. It was obvious her poor leg was broken at the shin bone since there was bone poking at her skin. Being hit by a truck, we knew there were injuries we probably couldn’t see. I looked over at Eric and saw complete panic across his face. I’m sure my face mirrored his but there seemed to be more to it for him than just worry over our student. 

“She’s..... she's in bad shape. She needs to be seen by professionals ASAP.” Jake stated, voice low and full of concern

“Sir, I’m Henry the hotel’s night manager. I’ve already called for an ambulance.” This middle aged balding man stated as he came over “May I ask what happened?”

“She was shoved and broke her leg. The two guys who did it then picked her up and threw her into an oncoming truck.” Eric seethed

“I hope your friend makes it.” Henry stated sadly

“Hey! Bill is taking care of Shawn & Michael. How’s Abrielle?!” Zach questioned as he and Brent rushed over to us

“She passed out on the way here.” Jake solemnly stated

“Do…. do you think she’ll pull through?” Zach asked, voice cracking ever so slightly

“I sincerely hope so.” I retorted as I just stared at her

We could hear the ambulance getting closer. Oh thank God!

“Sweetheart, there’s an ambulance coming for you. Barry’s going to go to the hospital with you.” Jake softly told her as her eyes fluttered open

“Shawn and Michael have been removed from the tour. I’ve also told the school we will not accept any more students with us.” Bill informed her 

When the hell did Bill arrive? May be I missed him behind Brent and Zach. She tried to sit up but the pain was too much for her.

“Easy there. Stay laying down.” I said, giving her a warm smile

The paramedics rushed in with their gurney. We all had to step back to allow them to do their jobs. It was tearing us all up as we watched helplessly. They asked all sorts of questions, took her vitals, checked out her poor leg, and even listened to her breathing and to her stomach. They turned to us and said they were going to rush her to the ER. Immediately I said I’d been elected to go with her. Jake was holding Eric to keep him from doing something stupid as the paramedics moved her from the couch to the gurney. Her pained screams broke all our hearts. It’s not a sound I really want to hear again and it’s something I won’t soon forget. 

Before following the paramedics out to the ambulance, I looked around at my friends. I nodded at them and then turned & walked away. Once I’d climbed inside, the door was slammed shut and about a minute later we were on the road. She was immediately hooked up to a heart monitor, blood pressure cuff, and an IV. 

**A/N: Chapter 22**


	23. Slow Motion

****ERIC’S POV****

Another slow song came on and Brent was quick to ask her to dance. She was reluctant but didn’t fight him as hard as she did me. Did that mean she had feelings for me or she just didn’t want to fight Brent with all of us sitting there? We all watched as they began slow dancing. I sighed heavily making Barry cock his eyebrow at me. She was still uncomfortable and I wasn’t sure if it was the costume or us. Hopefully one day she’ll have the confidence and self-esteem she really deserves.

After telling the band and Jake that she was heading back to the hotel and thanking them for a wonderful evening, each one of us pulled her into a tight hug. I held on a little longer than the rest. I just couldn’t help myself. She seemed to hang on a little tighter to me than she did the others. Or was I just imagining things? Wishful thinking if you were.

A few minutes after Abrielle left, we decided to head back to. It took us a little while to pay our tab. We all figured she’d made it back to the hotel. How wrong we were! We walked up on Shawn and Michael and they were harassing poor Abrielle. They pulled her up off the ground making most of us look on in utter shock! Each one got a hold of her and before any of us could stop them, they literally threw her in front of an oncoming truck. I was absolutely blown away, and not in a good way, as I stood there. Did they seriously just throw her into a moving vehicle?!

Everything suddenly went into slow-motion. The sound of screeching tires could be heard as the truck came to a stop. I watched as she bounced off the vehicle and I was suddenly worried that I’d just watched her die. I couldn’t lose her!! When she hit the ground she rolled for several feet. I was going to beat the shit out of those two motherfuckers! Barry had to pull me away from the two college students to keep me from beating them to death! I was beyond pissed. My nostrils were flaring, my whole body was tense, and I growled again. 

“Eric no!” Barry exclaimed, “These boys aren’t worth it!”

 **“Let me go…..”** I growled at him as I thrashed around to get out of his grasp

Damn he was a lot stronger than I honestly realized. It wasn’t surprising, really, seeing as he was a drummer. 

“Eric! Listen to me…….Bill is taking care of them. We need to focus on Abrielle. She’s our priority. She’s our student and she needs us more than anything right now. You going to jail for beating the shit out of them isn’t going to do [b]her[/b] any good!” He explained 

I settled down once his words sank in. Me going to jail wasn’t going to do the band any favors either. Honestly I couldn’t tarnish my good reputation for such ass-hats as Michael and Shawn! Jake pulled her up off the ground making her scream out in pain. It hurt to hear her pained screams. I winced at the wretched, pained sound she made. So much so that I tensed up again as Brent called Bill. Zach was tearing into the two boys who looked like they were about to try and fight my guitarist. This night was not going to end well. For either me or for them.

“Bill! Get the two boys off this tour. They just attacked Abrielle for no reason!” Brent angrily stated

Jake sped up his walking so Barry ushered me along so we could catch up to him. He assured me that she was going to be fine. Even though I wasn’t so sure. As a matter of fact I was pretty sure she was really fucked up. She had apparently passed out before we arrived back at the hotel. One of the hotel staff immediately ran up to us since poor Abrielle was moaning out in pain. Barry explained to them what happened and asked her to call us an ambulance. Jake gently laid her down on couch in the lobby.

He looked her over as best as he could. We all knew she really needed to be seen at the hospital. It was obvious her poor leg was broken at the shin bone since there was bone poking at her skin. Being hit by a truck, we knew there were injuries we probably couldn’t see. Barry looked over at me. I’m sure my face mirrored the panic in his but there was more to it for me than just worry over our student. She meant a lot to me even if I’ve never actually told her how I felt. It never seemed appropriate to say anything. She’s our student after all! I wanted to be professional. From day one I’ve had this super protectiveness over her and I’ve never been able to shake it. 

“She’s..... she's in bad shape. She needs to be seen by professionals ASAP.” Jake stated, voice low and full of concern

“Sir, I’m Henry the hotel’s night manager. I’ve already called for an ambulance.” This middle aged balding man stated as he came over “May I ask what happened?”

“She was shoved and broke her leg. The two guys who did it then picked her up and threw her into an oncoming truck.” I seethed, balling my fists in anger

“I hope your friend makes it.” Henry stated sadly

Yeah. So do I!

“Hey! Bill is taking care of Shawn & Michael. How’s Abrielle?!” Zach questioned as he and Brent rushed over to us

“She passed out on the way here.” Jake solemnly stated

“Do…. do you think she’ll pull through?” Zach asked, voice cracking ever so slightly

I could only pray that she did. When did my eyes get all watery?!

“I sincerely hope so.” Barry retorted as we all just stared at her

We could hear the ambulance getting closer. Oh thank God!

“Sweetheart, there’s an ambulance coming for you. Barry’s going to go to the hospital with you.” Jake softly told her as her eyes fluttered open

“Shawn and Michael have been removed from the tour. I’ve also told the school we will not accept any more students with us.” Bill informed her 

She tried to sit up but the pain was too much for her. I just wanted to pull her into my arms and take away all her pain. She didn’t deserve any more pain than what she’s already experienced.

“Easy there. Stay laying down.” Barry said, giving her a warm smile

The paramedics rushed in with their gurney. We all had to step back to allow them to do their jobs. It was tearing us all up as we watched helplessly. They asked all sorts of questions, took her vitals, checked out her poor leg, and even listened to her breathing and to her stomach. They turned to us and said they were going to rush her to the ER. Immediately Barry said he’d been elected to go with her. Jake was holding me to keep me from doing something stupid as the paramedics moved her from the couch to the gurney. Her pained screams broke all our hearts. It’s not a sound I really want to hear again and it’s something I won’t soon forget. I know I’ll never get the sound out of my head. 

Before following the paramedics out to the ambulance, Barry looked around at us. He nodded at us and then turned & walked away. As soon as he was out the door, I bolted for the elevators. I needed to change clothes before heading to the hospital. And I wanted to cry in privacy. Brent was calling after me but I think either Bill or Jake held him back. It didn’t take me long to make it to my room. My hands were shaking so it actually took me a few minutes to get my door open. As soon as I shut the door, I broke down. 

I’d gotten it out. Or as much of it as I could. I still needed to change my clothes so we could head to the hospital. Hopefully someone has grabbed poor Barry a set of clothes. I changed into a pair of jeans, some Chucks, and a plain white t-shirt. As I exited my room, Zach was stepping out of his. Brent came out of Barry’s room with a small bag. Good, someone was thinking about Barry! Without a word, we made our way down to the lobby where a cab was waiting for us.


	24. Making Plans

****BARRY’S POV****

The paramedics told me to talk to her and to try and keep her conscious. I did my best as I took her hand in mine. It really freaked me out when she coded in the ambulance. Her heart completely stopped and it terrified me. They were able to get her heart started again but I was really worried. Her pulse was weak. I remained still as I gently talked into her ear. Her pained moans were absolutely heartbreaking, not to mention very terrifying. We finally arrived at the hospital where she was rushed in. I gave all the information I could to the nurse who reassured me they were going to do everything they could for her.

I was pacing in the waiting room when a nurse came out to talk to me. She explained that they were rushing Abrielle into surgery. One of her ribs had fractured, puncturing her right lung. She also had some internal bleeding that they needed to find and fix. There were other injuries but the doctor would tell me everything when he came out to talk to me. She was in critical condition. I asked her to keep me informed on Abrielle. 

Punctured lung? That wasn’t good! She was going to be in the hospital for a while. I hated the idea. I hated knowing she was going to be away from us for an undetermined amount of time. With her fragile state of mind already, this was going to definitely set her back. I called Lori to let her know what happened and to see if she had any advice on how to proceed with the fragile young woman. There wasn’t much she could tell me that she had already said. It would be even more important now to let her know that she was indeed loved, wanted, and that the events weren’t her fault.

I had started pacing the room again as I talked to my wife. She admitted that she was concerned about the girl once she really started thinking about what we’ve told her. Obviously she’s been abused her whole life, according to my wife, and that psychologically speaking it could take years to undo the damage. I explained how Eric & Zach were towards her which made my wife giggle slightly. We all knew why Zach had taken to her so much. Lori thought that it sounded like Eric was attracted to the girl despite what she was going through. She finally had to let me go so she could give our daughter a bath and get them both ready for bed. I bid my girls a good night before hanging up.

I was still pacing when the rest of the band, Jake, and Bill arrived. I was bombarded with questions. Questions that I honestly couldn’t answer.

“The nurse came out a little while ago and said she was being rushed into surgery. One of her ribs fractured puncturing her right lung which they were also going to try and fix. That’s all I know right now.” I explained

“Do they seem optimistic?” Zach asked

“I don’t know. She didn’t say one way or another.” I retorted

Eric looked like he was about to turn into the Incredible Hulk and go destroy everything in his path. Brent was in tears and Zach was on the phone with his wife. I didn’t blame him in the slightest. After what we witnessed, I would be on the phone with my wife too. Bill and Jake were standing off the side talking quietly amongst themselves. An hour after they all arrived, Bill suggested everyone head back to the hotel to get some rest. None of us were leaving.

“She needs us, Bill. She needs people here who love and care for her.” Brent immediately retorted

“I agree with Brent. I’m not going anywhere.” Eric added in

His voice was much lower than usual. He was really, really angry! Bill smiled warmly at us and said he wasn’t pressuring us to leave. If we wanted to shower or get a nap we all had rooms available. Our luggage was in our hotel rooms and if we wanted our laundry done, he’d arrange it for us.

“Oh! Barry, we brought you a clean set of clothes.” Brent finally said as he handed me a small-ish bag

“Thanks. I should probably go clean up.” I replied

I headed off to the nearest bathroom to give myself an impromptu sponge bath before changing out of my blood-soaked, dirt caked clothes. Her blood was all over me. Looking at these clothes, I saw those two idiots fling her into that truck. I saw her bounce off it. All as if in slow motion. It brought tears to my eyes. I was standing there in the hospital bathroom half-dressed and still had blood all over my chest to clean up. I’m sure I looked like a serial killer or something!

Once I had “cleaned up”, I rejoined my friends in the ER waiting room. Time was inching by and we were all nervous. It seemed like we were taking turns pacing. Eric tried punching the wall once or twice. A kind nurse brought him out an ice pack for his bruised hand the second time. Bill told us he was heading back to the hotel and to let him know of any developments with Abrielle. We reassured him that we would.

“Did you know she coded in the ambulance.” I suddenly blurted out

Don’t ask me why I told them that.

“What?!” Zach exclaimed

“She did?” Brent questioned

“Yes, she did. The revived her of course.” I said, “Her pained moans, though…. So terrifying. To hear her struggling just to breathe…”

“BK, it’s alright. None of us knew what was going to happen in that ambulance. If she wound up dying before you made it to the hospital, you would have been the last person she ever saw. It’s a great burden to bear, we understand.” Brent soothingly stated, “This is because of those two hoodlums. They were the ones harassing her and then threw her into a speeding vehicle. All we can do now is help her recover from this.”

“I know guys.” I sighed

We all settled into the uncomfortable ER seats to await a nurse or doctor to come tell us about Abrielle. Jake was on the phone to someone, most likely checking on our crew and equipment. I watched the tallest guy in the group and his body language began to get angrier and angrier. As a matter of fact, he looked like he was about to go all Incredible Hulk and tear the whole building down! He marched over to us and I was starting to wonder if we were going to have to come up with bail money for him!

“Alright. I hired a PI a while back to dig into her life. After her little “accident” I wanted to know all about her. What else was she hiding from us.” Jake started out

Our whole group tensed up, afraid of what he was about to tell us.

“What did you find out?” Zach inquired

“I don’t care if we have to tie that girl up, she is under no circumstances going back to her “family”!” Jake said, making the air quotations around the word family

His outburst confused us all.

“That girl has been mistreated, starved, beaten, raped, and abused in any and every way imaginable. Her own brothers are who started the other college students tormenting her! Her family keeps food from her sometimes for a week or more at a time. 

She has more cuts on her wrists which are more than likely her own doing. But she has scars all over her body that she didn’t do. I will fucking kill every single person in her family if they try to take her away from us!” Jake ranted angrily

His nostrils were flaring. His hands were waving around wildly as he spoke. His voice rose dramatically. To say our head of security was angry was a drastic understatement! Our shocked gasps at what he had uncovered unnerved and angered us all. Zach asked about her parents and I was appalled to discover not only did her parents know about all the abuse, they’re the ones who started it. According to Jake’s source, they only treat her this way, not their five other children. Her five siblings who are all male, by the way.

“She can stay with me. At my house.” Eric suddenly exclaimed

Seeing us all looking at him funny made him cock his eyebrow at us.

“I have more room than I need in that big house all by myself. I can help look after her. My house is secluded enough we shouldn’t be bothered by anyone. She can roam the property freely without worrying about someone seeing her.” He said, defending himself

“I think it’s a great idea. Being on the beach is so relaxing and that’s exactly what she needs.” Zach said

“We can’t just take her away from her family like that. What if they come after us or something?” I stated

I hated being the one to have to think about this stuff but we did need to have a plan

“She’s over the age of 18. She’s a legal adult to come and go as she pleases.” Jake retaliated

“Aren’t her parents paying for her tuition and stuff?” Zach asked

“Good point.” Brent stated with a huff

“We’ll pay for her college. Collectively. Jake, you find out how much it is and how much we’ll need and we’ll divvy it up evenly.” Eric retorted

“I’m down with that.” Zach said

“Cut all ties with those… **people** … and help her make a life for herself.” I thoughtfully replied, “Lori said it could take months or even years to undo the damage that’s already been done to her. Psychologically and emotionally.”

“We’ll deal with it as needed.” Zach answered

“I’ll go talk to Bill. See what we can do to get this ball rolling. I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Jake stated

Brent and Zach found a seat off by themselves. They were talking quietly so Eric and I sat down together.

“That poor girl. Holding all that in all this time.” Eric uttered

“She’s an incredibly strong woman that’s for sure.” I said making him nod his head in agreement

“Do you think her family will come after us?” He suddenly inquired

“I don’t know. Jake makes a good point though. She’s 18 so legally she’s free to come and go as she pleases. We can talk to her and see if she wants to file a restraining order on them and go from there.” I replied quietly


End file.
